RLAM: #144

Good morning, peeps.

So it’s about to be 2am and I’m awake writting this post since I know tomorrow I must dedicate myself to reading a new book, and perhaps also helping my 11-year-old brother to do some homework, and maybe keep doing my research on my Tesina (the baby thesis). So, yeah, this week I manage to read twelve books, yeah, I took advantage of my last free week since I’ve already started a new cycle at University which had me going through emotions that got handled via Netflix’s Elite S. 2, Derry Girls S. 1 and 2, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Pt. 2 and the expectation I feel for the new season of AHS about to come out. So, yeah, here they are: the lovely bunch.

First I read Bad Girls with Perfect Faces by Lynn Weingarten.

Sasha has waited patiently for her turn, she has been there for Xavier no matter how many times he let his heart be broken again by his eternal ex, she was a shoulder to cry on and a bff to neglect. But she did never let that define her, she’s confident but in love with a blind hot dummy. And just as she was ready to tell him about her feelings, there he goes again going back to that messy cheat like a pup. Sasha has had it, and this time she will prove for the last time that Ivy is not worthy by catfishing her into cheating AGAIN. Let’s hope Xavier is awake to face reality and accept her good intentions…

** spoiler alert ** DAMN, I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT.

So I’m giving this one 4.5 stars since I actually enjoyed it, however it wasn’t perfect. It lacked that kind of closure, idk, there was something missing. Though, I won’t deny how fantastically sketchy all these theories of who killed the bitch were, I mean I was not expecting that neither that fucked-up agreement in the end, I mean I knew there was no way out of this madness without some terrible unforgettable lies but still. In other news, this Xavier guy was so lame, I mean I get that oh he’s an emotional guy that loves love but dude, he was too much to fucking handle! I mean Sasha deserved better than that indecisive amorous mess he was, I mean he actually needed counseling coming not only from a psychologist but by his friends too, he needed to real though love. And dude, Ivy was reminding of Fanny Casteel, she was so trashy, not sexually liberated or a free-will lover, she was just mean mean trashy, ugh. And I must admit that I was attracted by psycho Gwen, I mean she was a complex interesting character that I wouldn’t mind get her pov quite more often, I mean if there were a novella of her background and future I wouldn’t mind reading her mentally unstable memoirs. 😬

Next book I read was This Lie Will Kill You by Chelsea Pitcher.

A group of teens is set up to discover a truth out of their own web of lies. Last year they screwed someone up badly, but only one of them fucked that innocent so bad it ended up as a burned corpse. All of them are to blame and all of them must confess into their actions or it will be too late and their worst fears will takeover for good like they did to others before.

** spoiler alert ** IT MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THE BEST BOOK EVER, BUT IT WAS WORTH READING.

Before reading I did read a couple reviews, no-spoilery ones but still I mean my expectations were low, then I came to remember that many times it has happened that I end up loving those bullied books nobody seems to bare. I definitely didn’t love it, since the story and characters had their flaws, and even though I really enjoyed that little love story involving Shane and Ruby however it was too meant to be, you know, too fairy tale-like, too precious to be realistic just like her first encounter with Parker, I mean it looked like something of a telenovela or something that anti-climactic. Then there was the fact the killer was too fucking obvious, though I wasn’t expecting that Ruby twist. I still hate loathe despise want to murder slowly fucking Parker, I feel bad for dumb Brett and I couldn’t care less about Gavin and Juniper. There I said it.

Third one was Watch You Burn by Amanda Searcy.

Jenny is one of those people who just want to watch the world burn. Or a city burn, or a house, or even a single match. A flame will give her peace for a thousand days, but now she has gone too far right when she was ready to start over with her dad in a new town. Her old ways weren’t controlled but easily hidden and now there’s a dead body on the loose and everything is pointing her as the guilty one.

** spoiler alert ** IT MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THE BEST BOOK EVER, BUT IT WAS WORTH READING.

Before reading I did read a couple reviews, no-spoilery ones but still I mean my expectations were low, then I came to remember that many times it has happened that I end up loving those bullied books nobody seems to bare. I definitely didn’t love it, since the story and characters had their flaws, and even though I really enjoyed that little love story involving Shane and Ruby however it was too meant to be, you know, too fairy tale-like, too precious to be realistic just like her first encounter with Parker, I mean it looked like something of a telenovela or something that anti-climactic. Then there was the fact the killer was too fucking obvious, though I wasn’t expecting that Ruby twist. I still hate loathe despise want to murder slowly fucking Parker, I feel bad for dumb Brett and I couldn’t care less about Gavin and Juniper. There I said it.

Then I read How to Hang a Witch by Adriana Mather, the first one in the duology of the same name.

Samantha Mather never knew she had a connection to Salem before she moved to her grandma’s house when her father stays in a coma. She knew her ancestor was to blame for some of the witch trials but she wasn’t aware people cared about it that much, specially in her new school where the descendants of the powerful dead witches rule the school and are ready to not only ostracise her but end her line for good.

** spoiler alert ** IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I’VE READ GREAT YA, I MEAN IT. THIS IS IT!

Venturing to this, again I didn’t remember its premise and I was blindsighted to first reading, then I read the protagonist was sarcastic in the first line of it and I was inmediately on board, I mean I needed to experience that. After that it was a full ride, filled with its ups and downs like any other book, but with the uniqueness of YA meets supernatural elements. I mean it’s like one was transported to this place unharmed by logic that totally buys this whole witches thing, I mean their popular girls are totally in line to become the Next Supreme because of their wardrobe choices and their whole bitch self. I wanted to know them, and for moments I was like our Samantha must be a witch, to make sense all this curse thing. Then I was all for loving the ghost, I mean I’ve seen worst love interests, so no problem right there, he was nice and went to Europe to shop some groceries for their floor picnic, tell me if that’s not meaningful! Anyways, when it came to finding out who this big bad guy was, my money was always on Vivian, I mean pretty obvious cuz she was just your regular wicked stepmother, manhandling her stepdaughter and getting cosy with other men while her husband was in a coma; then I started suspecting Mrs. Merryweather, I mean that merry woman was too nice, too kindhearted and she knew her way on potion making, she knew Elijah’s name, that was unsettling but then it wasn’t her so… yeah, it would have been a meaner villain but I take Vivian since she actually came to care for Sam and her last words humanize her, making her more interesting and such a complex character. Can’t wait to get my hands on the next one.

Fifth one I read was Girl, interrupted by Susanna Kaysen.

Right in the 60s, Susanna narrates us how her young life became something else the moment she was coerced to get herself into an asylum for the mentally unstable. She’ll see the good in sharing adventures and laughs with friends like her, and she’ll also see how she might have been nuts but not entirely, not like some creatures luring in their minds like monsters to their own selves.

** spoiler alert ** IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I’VE READ GREAT YA, I MEAN IT. THIS IS IT!

Venturing to this, again I didn’t remember its premise and I was blindsighted to first reading, then I read the protagonist was sarcastic in the first line of it and I was inmediately on board, I mean I needed to experience that. After that it was a full ride, filled with its ups and downs like any other book, but with the uniqueness of YA meets supernatural elements. I mean it’s like one was transported to this place unharmed by logic that totally buys this whole witches thing, I mean their popular girls are totally in line to become the Next Supreme because of their wardrobe choices and their whole bitch self. I wanted to know them, and for moments I was like our Samantha must be a witch, to make sense all this curse thing. Then I was all for loving the ghost, I mean I’ve seen worst love interests, so no problem right there, he was nice and went to Europe to shop some groceries for their floor picnic, tell me if that’s not meaningful! Anyways, when it came to finding out who this big bad guy was, my money was always on Vivian, I mean pretty obvious cuz she was just your regular wicked stepmother, manhandling her stepdaughter and getting cosy with other men while her husband was in a coma; then I started suspecting Mrs. Merryweather, I mean that merry woman was too nice, too kindhearted and she knew her way on potion making, she knew Elijah’s name, that was unsettling but then it wasn’t her so… yeah, it would have been a meaner villain but I take Vivian since she actually came to care for Sam and her last words humanize her, making her more interesting and such a complex character. Can’t wait to get my hands on the next one.

Seventh book I read was Romanov by Nadine Brandes.

Anastasia is no longer a Royal Duchess of Russia, her family is no longer safe from dead, her brother is getting weaker by the second, her sisters are becoming too comfortable with their state of hostages, and the clock is ticking. She knows they’ll be killed unless she manages to open a magic doll that’s destined to protect the Romanov bloodline from any harm. But will it be too late once their captors get bored of hosting them?

WELL, WOW. NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO SAY THIS WASN’T FANTASTIC, CUZ I WAS!

Damn, where do I start? How marvellousl written this was, I mean one could simply emphatized with the Romanov, one could feel like them Bolsheviks, trying to cope with the fact they were gonna perish, I mean those parts when July was getting closer and one just couldn’t do much than just stare at their ignorance met with acceptance, of their fates. And the traumatic event itself made me even more aware of the inmense brutality of their deaths, I mean I never once watched Anastasia so I only had little historical background we all have, I knew about that terrible basement but still it was hard to watch. The heartache, and deshumanization that this Anastasia felt was undeniable. The pain was real, I mean my first tear was for Maria’s broken heart and that was only the beginning, then came the ache of Zash “betrayal”, then was obvi the justifiable despair Nastya felt over having to choose the right thing to do (what her papa would have wanted). I liked those moments alone, cuz it gave the book a human relatable factor instead of just having the magic to marvel us away, pretty correct way of making me keep reading; props for that.
“The more starved we were of kindness, the more we clung to any crumb of it.”
“Those who cannot laugh cannot properly live.”
“A kind word turns away wrath.”
Those words will remain within me.

After that I read The Diary of a Teenage Girl: An Account in Words and Pictures by Phoebe Gloeckner.

Minnie nerve thought herself as an attractive young girl, but her life instantly changes the moment she decides to screw her mother’s boyfriend. It’s the 70s, the sexual liberation is in the air, and being a 15 year old is not a excuse to not make terrible, raw and just terrifyingly unforgettable mistakes.

ONCE YOU KNOW ITS RAW, THAT BECOMES UNIMPORTANT.

I’ve seen many comments, not giving a fuck about the story but the profanity, use of nudity and depiction of sexual/substance abuse; and I’m glad I’m not part of that bunch. I was well aware of its content so I wasn’t looking for the provocative comics, but for the title itself, the story of a young girl in the 70s, a girl with urges, depression, all over the place emotions, drugs, naivety and such a lonely heart trying to feel loved and safe. With Minnie’s story we weren’t sugar coated but we saw person after person taking advantage of her need of belonging, of her need to feel complete, of her adolescent been. We saw how any girl in that environment could take bad decisions with bad guidance, from a mother who never gave a damn, from a former stepfather who lied to shelter himself from his ugliness, from her mom’s boyfriend who only used her never sheltering her from his ugliness, from equally naive friends, from older figures that were supposed to look after her wellbeing, from authorities who kept blaming her as she was not a child still, from the times she lived in. We saw how she had to get herself out and see it as it was, that she had to be in charge of her wellbeing and detox her demons and questions, to see that she was better, that behind the lies there’s some truth, that she was better than all of them. It left me with that feeling, that even after all the blows life throws at you, while you expect some salvation, a hero to rescue you from a loveless existence, you’re given what you asked: a hero in the shape of yourself to finally get the love you need, the love for yourself. At least, that’s how I saw it, from more than just a tainted window with morbidity for nakedness, I saw a girl like any other who finally felt loved

The nineth book I read was The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw.

Penny Talbot has lived in Sparrow her entire life, her mom did the same and all them generations before. She knows there’s something more than just a couple witch trials in the town’s memory but the non.stop revenge three sister swore they would get every summer for their unfair murders. Now, when Penny gets too close with a tourist guy looking for a job in her house, she knows she might enter in a heartache that will never end, just like when… well, her father vanished.

** spoiler alert ** INTERESTING, ETHEREAL KIND OF SOOTHING ROMANCE.

I’m quite torn on this, I mean it was a good read, nobody can deny that. Beautifully written, well structured with expected yet unbelievable twists and turns. An unreliable surreal narrator and supernatural forces working for murder in an almost fantastic land in the middle of the Pacific. Pretty good, but I had an issue that has me annoyed, about poor little old Penny. I mean that poot girl was forced to kill her father and now doesn’t remember, was forced to have sex with Bo, and kill boys to satisfy the hunger of selfish Hazel. That girl was not consenting… That’s disturbing next to the fact Bo still loves the greedy ghost who hasn’t gone back to Owen cuz she suddenly “belongs there”, I’m not OK with that. Penny deserves better, she, her mom and dad, even Rose and easy Bo deserve better than still be a pawn in Hazel’s game. I’m still bitter about it. 😒

Later I read See All the Stars by Kit Frick.

There used to be four girls. Four popular lovely girls, handled by their leader like Charles Manson did with his Family. Then there were three, since one of them got a boyfriend. Now they are no longer one, and Ellory just wants to move on, forget the pain and keep going with the futur we wanted for herself before all the madness took over her mind and her heart. But it won’t be easy, because constant reminders keep appearing in the shape of notes hidden inside her locker telling her the truth over and over again.

STARTING TO READ THIS, I GENUINELY THOUGHT I WOULD GIVE IT THREE TO FOUR STARS.

I totally knew what was this secrecy thing, I mean the moment it was compared to We Were Liars, you know the wicked bitch in the west was gone for good and a product of Ellory’s psyche, I even figured out easilg that the bitch was betraying her hard on that twisted affair (which was so like Dangerous Girls😲) so I had it all figures out but the actual act of that day where the passing took place, I needed to know was the bitch murdered or what the fuck happened so I kept reading. I mean if even you figured everything important out, and you keep reading that must mean the story is damn good as the writing style (props to Kit, whom I thought was a guy but now I know is a woman 😜), I mean I was so into cuz even though I sided with the more visceral and raw sense of betrayal/justifiable anger side of Ellory, not so much on the I forgive you but I came to get it😒… Somehow, I mean the bitch was dead in a minute and it wasn’t a murder but still, it was not your fault but now she’s gone and she did got you away from that cowardly dog (sorry for the analogy ‘Courage’ 🐶) so there’s that but there’s also the betrayal and ache, and we have the whole move on arch too therefore it’s quite complicated but I was glad Kit gave her a new spin in that three months later part, she wasn’t defined by the ridiculous expiratory emails nor the guilt nor her depression, she actually did moved on for herself and her precious art. Sidenote: Ellory has become part of an elite group know as “The characters I want to shelter at all cost”. 😊

The eleventh book I read was Emergency Contact by Mary H. K. Choi.

Penny wanted to scape her mom, her life, her bad memories and her obsolete town. Now she’s in New York going to College, ready to become an author and just live in her new favorite place. Sam is stuck, but is ok with it, he’s paying his own tuition to become a documentary director while working full-time on a coffee shop for almost free plus getting some stable accomodation, of course. He just wants to move on when all his life comes to a point of extreme stress and is forced to accept an Emergency Contact, who happens to be a new young girl with a quirky personality and a friendly face.

** spoiler alert ** I FUCKING LOVED IT!

I just finished reading and all I have to say is how incredible it turned out to be, I mean I thought it would be a ridiculous little contemporary, nothing out of the ordinary of boy meets girl and they become friends and slowly something more. But I was so wrong, I mean it did had that but the emotional aspect, each of them had shit thrown into their lives and it was so fucking relatable I’m about to cry. I mean I felt so represented when it came to darling Penny, she was so quirky and just plain me when it comes to being too prepared to die when you’re no dying at all. Yeah, I’m that girl. She’s part of my list of characters to protect, damn that backstory that explained the lack of trust he held towards her mom, it’s understandable and I’m happy they have managed to get ok. In other news, even though Sam was the dream guy of every millenial (kinda what every girl wants *cliché*), he was more than just that, I mean the guy had doubts about his own appearance and his own worth for his fucking mom and that every adult he’d come accross as a young guy had given his dreams the finger. But he found a safe nest when it came to protective momma bear type Penny, and she’s relaxed and just sweer when she’s with him. So fucking cute; besides the characters (all of them) were lovely constructed I mean I can surely imagine those people as real, not ulterior motive kinda of people, you know. And the writing was so easy-going, I loved it! I hope I get to read more about this author, if she has Penny’s Korean couple story there I’d be granted to read it, really interesting takeout.
Here are some quotes, I enjoyed or that stayed whithin my heart for a while:
“Pathetic outcasts had standards too.”
“At least there was coffee. Reliable, delicious, life-giving coffee.”
“(…), she felt as if saying makeup names out loud set women’s rights back several decades.”
“Penny despised the world ‘adorable’. It was trivializing.”
“She was Instagram famous in the way that some girls just are. As if they were designed to indiscriminately detonate insecurities in other women.”
“(…) she felt destined to make something that made someone else feel how she did when she read it.”
“That night Penny read Maus twice and cried. She knew then that she had to become a writer.”
“What separated Penny from Amber was that anybody could smell Amber’s desperation. To Penny that was far more pathetic than simply being invisible. Penny would stop trying. Instead she’d spend time preparing for her future, living in books until the exciting part of her life would begin.”
“A female protagonist made the stories more inspiring than voyeouristic. It was so much fun to write about who you could be.”
“A character that scares you is worth exploring.”
“Hell really was other people.”
“It’s never too late for Pringles”
“Writers are sensitive”
“She hadn’t known he wore glasses and Penny was crazy about glasses as a thing. They were so much better than contacts. Why touch your own eyeballs when you could accessorize your face?”
“Hiding was not a coping mechanism. It was delusional.”
“Loving someone was traumatizing. You never knew what would happen to them out there in the world. Everything precious was also vulnerable.”
“To be the hero, you had to decide it was you”
“’Everything doesn’t have to be a crisis, Penny,’ he said.”

Then there was The Truth Behind the Lies by Amanda Searcy.

Kayla and Betsy are in a mess. Kayla jugles her job with her unstable newly sober mother and the fact that if her mother hadn’t gain her rights over her daughter back, Kayla could still pretend she had a family with her foster mom, she could have been happy and with a bright future but now she just wants to be over with it. Betsy needs to forget and do her duty, startover in a new state with her giggly mother and her dark toned aptitute as she struggles with the memories of a twisted past mistake.

DAMN, ALL I CAN SAY IS DAMN!.

So in the beginning I wasn’t sure and actually didn’t remember why I had picked this book, I could recall the synopsis nor its genre, I mean I was clueless reading this kinda mysterious yet dull dual POV thing until I figure out pretty fucking quickly that both these girls were the same person and that one was the past and other the present, I mean I was thinking that obvi Jordan was the killer she found out and now he’s stalking her so she had to runaway with Marie, but no turns out Jordan was messed up and the FBI too, and Elton, and she had to vanish with her actual mom. But the moments that finally had me sick to my stomach and truly afraid were that in which the FBI were sons of bitches, sick fucking bastards towards a seventeen year old girl, I mean how much of a shithead can you be threatening a teen?! And also, the whole Jordan being with the Koi, an a bit Yakuza, I mean I was like I’m off, that shit’s just crazy terrifying, those are nightmare inducing criminal bands I mean god! So… Yeah, I enjoyed reading it and now I feel completely safe, I mean I love when an author manages to transport the reader into the protagonist’s state of mind into their depression, seclusion, paranoia and heartbreak, I mean one is left speechless I mean look at me at almost four am finishing this. Goals.

Finally I read The Merciless by Danielle Vega, the first one in the series of the same name.

Sofia just wanted a fresh start after being bullied to her worst state, so when popular girls offer her a friendly hand of love and Christian kindness, she takes it without questions. Soon she’ll come to realise these girls aren’t simple pretty preppy Jesus freaks but could turn her into a murderer if she follows their advices and lies. Will she be able to tell wrong from good or perhaps it’s just too late for her?

DAAAAMNN!!!

So, Danielle Vega always manages to screw with my mind, my fears and my fucking nerves when it comes to this crazy stories, I mean she’s good at what she does, the creativeness is 100% worthy, however I do have one complain: What the hell with Sofie trusting them strangers so easily, I mean I was a teen once, so I know what’s to be impressionable by popular girls and their fantasy perfect world, right? But there’s a thick line between luck and plain fucked up baptism, I mean as soon as she got that I thought she was gonna call them freaks and run the hell away from them sick girls. Seriously, but she still went along a didn’t discuss how messed up their nature was, she’s just too damn dumb or what? When it came to other things, like the gore nature, the twist, the murder and supernatural aspects, I was pleased I mean it was definetely no the Exorcist meets Mean Girls, but the fucking Evil Dead meets Jawbreaker, no joke. Now I’ll go have some nightmares, thanks a lot Danielle, you always manage to ruin my good night sleep with your creepy writting.

Music Killed the Lazy Author #4

Hi, peps.

I was so having the writers block until I stopped caring for formalities like giving it structure, and more for being spontaneous and giving it a soul, a realistic not too stuck up soul within my words. So yeah, I’ve been through that but I think I’m getting better since now I have my dad’s laptop til the end of my University cycle in December, he lend it to me but still I’m so relieved I was able to put my words into something more than just my Smartphone which came to be sort of nightmare because I tend to desire everything to be ultra specific when it comes to adresses and clothes, IDK that’s just always been me, stalking houses on Google maps and stealing the shit out of Forever21 outfit photos, I mean I’m a bit like the character I was trying to embody this past week: Crystal Thomas.

Now let me sum up a bit of her. She’s 17, a smarty pants, good girl kind of person, who’s not popular and sometimes gets picked up for her grades. She has no self confidence but has a spark of a fashion eye, actually she wants to study that with an scholarship or something. She’s good with clothes but doesn’t have enough money available to buy all fancy things, unlike Lotte. But somehow, she can make it work when she trusts herself enough to venture over a vintage outfit of her mother’s and grandmother’s heirlooms. She has good intentions, she is a good daughter and sister, she matured very early in life when she was made aware of the economic situation her mom faced when her father left them, so she knows she has to save cash, she looks after her brother when mom’s to leave for her two jobs. She is responsible but as most people, she is not an stereotypical goody two-shoes with nothing wrong in her mind but a desire for a fashionable expensive wardrobe. Crystal is deeper, she’s genuinely kind and actually cares for others cuz deep inside she will always feel less except when she’s dressing nice, in Lotte’s clothes or in her mom’s altered outfits. She sees the beauty cuz she knows what depression looks like, she saw her mom going through that for a month and just wants to make everyone happy. She sees there’s good in her crush, Kennett with his poetic writting style, as she sees the good in Lottie’s knowledge of history. People might see her like a innocent poor little dove, who would never do harm but she’s mature, like a grown up in some aspects and like a teen in others.

Now I had to write her dealing with getting to know more of Kennett’s family, which made me remember Shameless, the original one from the UK, with a drunken father and a mostly absent minded mother as a sister who watches it all with a sarcastic eye. But I took it further, by making his dad into a white trash abusive cat-calling drunk, which is the worst. I was inspired to creat Ansel when I saw drunk people in family holiday celebrations, my granpa’s friends for instance whom I saw in a frightened not-trusting state since I was a little girl. I mean I still remember that smell and greasiness in their faces, just plain disgusting, so yeah I saw all that as well as embodying what would it be if someone else saw my dad drunk, which I only saw once cuz well, we’re not that close. But I got thinking how embarrassing that could be, now mix that with a violent nature and a girl you really like since childhood, it was made to become a disaster. I went through Crystal’s eye seeing how this twisted family related, seeing why Kennett had been so secretive towards his parents; which has left her with a bittersweet feeling. Cuz she saw the filthyness those instants as she saw how emotional he made her feel, it was not a childish crush anymore but what the poets would consider as an adult love, that feeling of belonging in a sort of unio, that had no sexual motives but the cherishing of other’s soul. I actually got really proud of writing that part, it had me repeating “Young and Beautiful” by Lana del Rey, nonstop. I wish I had written more from Ken’s PoV tough, I mean he was half unconscious so yeah, there was that state of mind which I took advantage from to creat a really small text.

Then I got to venture through the most sort of VC Andrews like fight between stepdaughter and stepfather of the century, I mean I cannot even count how many times I used the word “your daddy” in the allegations of Lottie to cancel Paul, it was almost laughable and I’ll have to edit that in a couple of days. I mean, I wanted to get that anger going from the top of “I’m in control by diminishing you” to “I maybe pushed too hard and the world might crumble cuz of my tongue”; I mean Lottie is still a kid, defending like a kid, thinking herself to be smart when she doesn’t know how to react to the grown-up consecuences, no matter how much sex she’s had, lets not forget that detail. Also, I wanted to make Paul into more of a dick than just a posh businessman, he’s a lawyer who got everything from his dad’s connections, even a wife in the shape of Cordelia. And like the rat he is, now using his son to get even and avoid a disastrous divorce, by manipulating them (Delia and Lottie) by that threat: loosing Hendrick. We also venture through Delia’s mind to see how she came to adore that boy, to recover from seeing him as her other stepdaughter: the infamous Leah. How she always had this motherly instinct that got broken when she was broken by lost, she feels ashamed of her situation with her and Lottie, too, but she’s determined to just expect what’s gonna come for her, except letting her stepson go with his controlling father.

Finally, I got another Lottie PoV moment, where she had to witness how even her boyfriend’s dad knew more about her dad than her. She first tried to concentrate in the fact she was getting the information she wanted but now, (in further writtings) you’ll see how she was actually feeling. Unable to focus in the good side of the conversation but in the fact she should know this things and feel worthy, feel a connection with her dad that she never had, and now begins to thinks she’ll never have. (I listened to “Empty” by Olivia O’Brien” to transport into Lottie’s mind)

Week #143 of Reading Like A Maniac

Good afternoon, y’all

This week was a great achievement for me, cuz I read more than usual since I’m on holidays that’s not an actual surprise, anyways; now I guess I’ll meet new people in my career, it won’t be easy for an introvert like myself but I’ll try make the best of it as working on this cycle’s paper which will be harder than the ones I had before. However I won’t let fear get in my way to success, nor in my way to complete my TBR list since now I’m adding new releases which I never use to do, changes are everywhere, my friends. Anyways, here they are: the 6 glorious books I managed to read.

First I kept going with the Isabel trilogy, this time it was the last one titled ‘Isabel, el fin de un sueño’ (Isabel, the end of a dream) by Martín Manuel.

Queen Isabel is a lot older, stronger but not wiser, with enemies next door in the shape of France and the Vatican; she’ll try to forge the best alliances using her own children as prizes. She’ll meet the resilience of Portugal’s new king and how much it can damage her blood; she’ll also venture through Austria ready to deal with the confident son of the Holy Roman Emperor as with a Flemish daughter in law that won’t succumb to her demands. Will these be her last truces or what’s left of her legacy?

IT HAD LESS WAR BUT IT WAS WORTHY.

In this new adventure we go through the bad parenting and just not-so Catholic nor pious decisions the Queen of Castile makes. I mean I don’t hate her but I just hate her belief in the men of God instead of godly things like values and you know common sense, I feel she was too much influenced by everyone in her life in a passive way even from Chacon, I mean she was Their Queen more than her own self after book one, Isabel was just never more that challenging spiteful yet just ruler she wanted to be. Somehow her daughter Joanna went through the same thing instead in a more aggressive and passionate raw manner, I felt bad for the poor archduchess I mean she was going through a depending relationship as some bi-polar disorder and post-labor depression, she had a lot in her plate and could have been a great heiress if only her idiotic parents had marries her off to someone they actually knew about for his good ways, like the odd King of Portugal or anyone seriously anyone but fucking Phillip. I felt miserable for poor Princess Isabel having to go through hell because of her parents bad decisions to her imminent yet merciful death, even though like a good Trastamara she hated Jewish people. In other news, the only character I grew to love and like really appreciate was our loving Archduchess Margaret of Austria, damn she was funny and gracious, this lady was smarter than her brother (not hard to achieve) and such a real person, she cared enough for Joanna and her children, despite losing Juan and having the Catholic monarchs hating her for no godamn reason. I really enjoyed her quotes, I mean since her joke on their way to Castile I enjoyed every moment she spend with us. Such a nice lady. If only I could take my time and explore every single character like the Borgias, Anne of Britany, the crazy French Kings, Christopher Columbus, my loving perfect Gonzalo Fernandez De Cordoba. But overall, all I can say was that it was a pleasure reading about this historical characters from the perspective and imagination of TVE’s script writers, and it was actually nice written even though I wish there were more physical descriptions like in the first book, I mean I think we only got one little description of the blonde braid of Philip’s mistress and that was pretty much it. 🙄🤔

Then I read the first one in the Casteel series by VC Andrews, titled ‘Heaven’.

The Casteel family is quite known, they are the worst, the poorest, the dirtiest, the blood that nobody wants near their own. Even the new generation, Heaven, their eldest might be smart and pretty but that’ only because of her mother, Tom might be the same but their future is not up to them, Fanny is the very embodiment of the white-trash nature of their last name with the worst manners, and the little ones who spent more time at home than at school. But nobody expected their future to be so wicked especially when it came in the shape of their cruel father? Could the Casteel children were the victims?

WOW, I ACTUALLY LIKED THIS VC ANDREWS BOOK. MINDBLOWN.

My relationship with VC has never been great, I always read only first books of her series and never keep going cuz I’m not ready to see the characters make awful relationship decisions, you could see my horror while reading My Sweet Audrina, but with this book it was a whole new story. I mean I was still diverted by the sexualized body image she has of anyone and her addiction to make people just vomit the fact the dickhead father is “nice” and attractive, and of the other sexist shit I’ll blame it on the times this was written so leaving that aside, I was actually entertained and not that insulted/disgusted by the twists and turns, I actually liked and could understand Heaven’s mind: how when we are young we used to think we have it all figure out and will make good decisions once we’re older, and the fact that we learn the harsh lessons of life when shitty things happen to us, we see that we are still those children been taken advantage of even if it’s in the sweetest way, that sometimes we’re alone no matter whoever we think is our rock (Tom, Cal, the lovely teacher), that our feelings and suffering do not matter for nasty providence. It was hard for Heaven and since I’ve read spoilers it will be much more, but I actually side with her cuz she doesn’t choose to remain ignorant nor naive because she thinks is what’s meant to be, she chooses knowledge and grudges against hopeless hope that could only break her like it already did once. Our girl learned from the shit life kept throwing at her and I’m sure she won’t stop. All I can say is that no matter my issues with VC’s writing, her obsession with nudity nor her sexist twists; these characters will remain a cherished one in my heart and memory.

Third book I read is supposed to belong to The Haunting new series by Anya Allyn, however there’s still only one so… Anyways, its title is ‘PARACOSM: Bleath: The Hauntings’.

Zoe is about to start her thesis, and her choice of subject drives her to Bleath, a small town filled with strange cases of paracosms: a child’s quite real mental capability of creating a whole new world, like the one Tolkien created that made him write The Lord of the Rings. Zoe will have to figure out if these children come from very imaginative backgrounds or perhaps Bleath is more than a simple colorful town?

** spoiler alert ** DAMN. ANYA ALLYN DID IT AGAIN.

Most of all I was drawn into it the moment the Easter eggs started to appear, I mean I had a slight memory of little Prudence and then the freaking dollhouse with the carousel in the basement with them “dolls” and the creepy Raggedy dolls (the scared the hell out of me then and surely they do it now). I mean I even started playing the whole Carousel song by Melanie Martinez, it hit me hard in the great scary memories. Now let’s go back to the actual story, damn! Our new heroine was as clueless as I was while reading, I mean I had some thoughts that perhaps everyone in the town were ghosts but nope, they were just wicked bitches plotting against our girl’s best interest with these parallel universes that are making me wonder what’s real and what isn’t. I mean those poor kids used as twisted puppets by the Magician and them harvest people used as sacrifices by them psycho townspeople, and that end was everything. Now I only hope that Anya might give us some clue to what came out of Zoe’s future in that specific universe. I need to know!

After that I read ‘Girls with Sharp Sticks’ by Suzanne Young, the first one in the new series of the same name.

Innovations Academy assures its benefactors they’ll get a good final product, they’ll get what they invested for, they’ll get the perfect young girl, well-behaved, submissive, lovely, beautiful and charming. After all, Innovations Academy is filled with their men’s ideas of making Girls Great Again; that’s all Mena knows while studying there, that those men are there to make them perfect and that the students are not there to think or want. But there’s always something odd that might not go right, that these generation of girls are not as tamed as most think, they are not as soft, nor as vulnerable, but definitely tougher.

I’M GLAD I VENTURED READING THIS.

I mean the plot convinced me but once I got it, I just stored with other ones so when I finally had to read it, I wasn’t too into it, I was looking for something deadlier and was uncertain this would please me at all. Thank my brave heart I actually went on reading it and all I have to say is I’m glad I did it cuz in these dangerous misogynistic and sexist times, this tale was truly frightening because of how real it can become. I mean it had a bit of The Handmaid’s Tale on it and I was furious, I mean I would have gone all aggressive on them pieces of shit males treating them girls so poorly, I just wanted to shelter them and be their mother teaching them to love themselves instead of following those bitches rules as they were preaching a fucking sermon. I lost count at all the times I wanted to punch those cruel monsters, I was losing my sanity and that let me see I still have my feminist fair and honest nature with me, and no bitch can take that away from me. Changing the subject, I kinda figured out the whole surprise revelation way before, it was my main theory: the huge Stepford Wives plot Twist that they were *SPOILERS AHEAD* these robots or at least androids with this reset button and that those memories of parents were fallacies through and through, make-believe dreams which somehow still made me want to fight for their rights, in my mind if you have a conscience and feel pain, then you are a being that deserves a human treat. But what I wasn’t expecting as much as this revelation was the while Leandra’s twist, how she’s aware and so cold-blooded like one of those I Robot things however she was helpful and deadly, and I loved everything about it. However, I don’t trust her words on Weeks, I don’t like him having his army of Girls with that young girl (I can remember her name but it had a “-” in between), I just don’t trust he’s so good, I don’t buy that. I prefer all of them Girls with nice gas station boyfriend and his buddy. Safe and sound and just free from all form of incarceration. Can’t wait for the next one.

Fifth book I read was ‘A Room Away From the Wolves’, a standalone by Nova Ren Suma.

Bina’s mom promised her they would go to New York when they escaped her father’s abuse, she was 7. Now they’re with another paternal figure that she doesn’t like, with stepsisters that make her life miserable and her mother seems like she transformed into an absent parent that no longer wants her daughter. Bina’s a teenager with a complicated background, so she’s the perfect type for Catherine House, the NYC house her mother stayed when she was her age. Bina doesn’t want to remember what happened before she arrived here, she doesn’t want to admit it and somehow she’ll come to terms that nobody in that house wants to accept their sad existences neither.

SOOO NOVA DID IT AGAIN. SHE MESSED WITH MY HEAD.

Here we go again with an arsty book, it was a fine piece: its narrative made so ethereal on purpose, its characters so blurry on purpose, its plot twist incredibly soft yet heart-wrenching, and the ending completely open to interpretation and continuations. But there had to be some issues too with the details and its lack of realism, and I know that it’s a weird thing go expect from a supernatural inclined story, however I actually thought it was a little odd that nothing had been done about the woods body, I mean bitches were not blamed and shit went on as if nothing had happened, with just a little depression I mean divorce was needed right there but whatever, it still bugs me though. Now going full *SPOILERS AHEAD*, it was sad to know she was dead the whole time but I guess it was obvious, however I do think her passing was cruel and the fact her mom did not do her justice was just another way to kill her again on my record, anyways I felt the connection between Bina and Monet, I wanted that relationship to at least have a kiss before that open finale, I feel I craved for something and was given nothing more that the blurry POV of NYC purgatory. 😒 I was entertained though, and after reading some other reviews I finally got the whole ghosts in denial sort of issue.

Finally, I read yet-another standalone titled ‘The Girls of No Return’ by Erin Saldin.

Lida knows what she did was wrong, she knows she’s broken and just doesn’t want to fix it. That’s why her dad and stepmother desperately send her to an all-girls school/camp for troubled young ladies. She’ll have to deal with three types of girls, those who are kind and amicable like Jules, which is something she cannot bear, then there are those like Boone, straight-up bullies with a no-nonsense politic against the newbies, and finally there were those like Gia, perfect looking girls with a likeable soul. But all of those girls are hiding something, after all, simple good, bad or complex girls should not be in that school, there must be something and no matter if Lida doesn’t want to know, their truth will come out just like hers.

I CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER WHY EXACTLY I PICKED THIS ONE, HOWEVER I’M SO GLAD I DID.

I must recognize I was waiting for murder or a wicked sorority of cruel girls, however I ended up dealing with serious issues about girls who didn’t take their wellbeing seriously and who were immensely young and vulnerable in their hearts, besides being self-centered as every single girl you’ll know. I include myself, since I felt awfully similar to Lida (*SPOILER* not the cutting part), her superficial need of wonder and her reluctance to stay friendless because somehow it was easier once you forget how pathetic it is, how your baggage still can affect some decision you make that could cost you a lot. How I was also tricked by Gia’s charm and reduced Boone to a hair-cutting bully, how it seemed easy to remain in the middle for her own benefit, as a mean to stay relevant without admitting it. Focusing on the alphas rather than the sweet omegas like Jules, those with leas baggage that could’ve been helpful. I understood Lida and just went through this book as an expectator rather than a character, or a motherly figure, and I enjoyed it. I could feel in the woods, isolated and scared, amused and reluctant; however I do have a question, did Gia actually did it or was it Boone who did it herself? 🤔 I’m left with that doubt from some lines, Lida had in her inner thoughts, perhaps it was in the last epilogue or the page before the last epilogue but I read that. So… Answers please. 😬

Music Killed the Lazy Author #3

Hi, y’all.

I’m at my grandpa’s house, with a flu, trying to type this entry from my cousin’s laptop and it ain’t easy trying to remember what I struggled writing this couple of weeks. Anywyas, this weeks I used my own fears for these characters, and some of my strenghs to start Pov moments.

I have a fear of change, if I’m not in charge and I have tried to forget about the change that’s coming together with loneliness as a topping, I knew I can easily crumble and go back to that dark dark place I call my depression mode where I cry non-stop until I shed tears without no explanation, not even books can calm me, I mean when I tried venturing to new friendly books I just couldn’t. So now I’m about to have to make new friends or at least study buddies since I’ll be taking classes with people from cycles bellow and I won’t see my old classmates/friends ever again for those normal days at University and I’m already missing them besides who the hell knows if these new kids will accept me. SOOOOO, I used that awful feeling to humanize a character, her name is Samantha Webster, she’s the longtime best friend of Liselotte, she is still in LS dealing with a lost of identity and her urges towards Hendrick (Liselotte’s young stepbrother), as well as some deep deep secrets she’s not willing to even acknowledge in her mind. Sam could be translated into a caring girl, she’s allegedly confident and model-like gorgeous but not entirely cold as Lottie, she’s the school’s hippie, not hipster, but hippie since she’s a budhist and a vegan. She has more layers like the fact she feels she’s nothing without Lottie, she has confidence in her body even though her mother always tries to make her feel less, but her trust in making friends and not going through depression has started to crumble. She knows that if she gives those feelings much thought, she’ll go down the rabbit hole until she’ll need her antidepresives to survive. She’ll be one of THOSE girls who cannot live without them pills and she refuses to be it, so what helps her get over all that sadness and panic attacks: her thing with ‘Hennie’. She just gives in to that passion and lust, aware he has feelings for her and that she’ll neve reciprocate them in the way he wants. She doesn’t want to attach herself to anyone again, she want love to just happen but not with him, they are just not compatible that way. They are fine with sex but she knows he wants more, and feels guilty but that’s not that strong, not as her fear of depression. I used the song ‘Wanna be Missed’ by Hayley Kiyoko to inspire me about her issues.

In other news, I used my current knowledge of Isabella of Castille to give Lottie some brains while studying with Crystal, this might look like useless but this little piece of her will drive this scene, as well as give her another layer. Lottie is not just outspoken but she LOVES history even though as me we’re not that fond of dates. I mean I had to look for a fucking timeline of the Queen’s life to get this right. Anyways, this small piece of my mind will drive the scene towards a discovery that’ll probably make things more awkward between her and Sam. It will also give us our first glimpse of Crystal as a tutor which will come into play later in the story.

Well, that’s it, I couldn’t write more since I had the flu as I have it now. It’s messy and I seriously do not wish it upon other readers or writers, it is the fucking worst! Next week, I’ll try putting some more stuff related to them family portrait related issues, and I’ll have to listen to Dollhouse quite a lot.

At The Movies… VC Andrew’s Heaven

Good morning, whoever is reading this.

So, last night was the first Saturday of other four to present the movie event of Lifetime Casteel Saga adaptations, it started with heaven and I wanted to share my views on what I thought about the contrast between the book that I just finished and the movie that I just finished too, so I’m fresh on little details. Anyways, here it is: my review.

Where do I start? Overall, I could see the connection between them movie and book, there were the country mountain side that everyone seemed to loath, there was the drunken father, there was slutty yet comic relief Fanny, there definetely was Sarah leaving unexpectedly, and daddy just giving his children away besides Heaven having to leave with Kitty and Cal. So there was all that, but I’d like to mention some things I kept thinking last night that I just couldn’t pass, like where the fuck was Miss Deale? The only almost perfect human being in that godforsaken small town, instead we got Kitty’s mom who also is a shitty teacher not quoting Shakespeare right and being just a bitch to poor Heaven. Also, Tom’s failing classes?! He was a fucking smart kid just like Heaven. Not happy. I wishe the whole selling their kids would have been explained, how Luke told them to dress nicely everytime he was gonna sell them, it lacked that fear instigating feeling. Some production issues with the doll having Heaven’s same hair color, since now we know that Leigh will have dark hair, it will give the audience some issues recognizing who this kid is. BTW, the Casteel kids seemed to have lots of clothes, some shitty ones but Fanny got style. 😀 In other news, Kitty’s clay animals are nowhere to be found as the pink and white of the house. Also, there was never flirtatious moments between Cal and Heaven, their thing just fucking happened out of loneliness and confused feelings, they do not share a careless longing passion and where the hell was the guilt? I don’t like this Cal, he’s to clingy and abusive.

Well, let’s see what I liked: Logan and Heaven were upgraded to this century and there was no mention of her being pure or innocent, progress! Then, I laughed my ass off with Fanny and I also yearned for her, she was nice and dumb but she didn’t deserve what happened to her. Fuck the reverend! Heaven making sense about why not telling others that they are utterly alone, social services would split them up! And Kitty’s rages mixed with agression were everything the book described, so spot on. In general, I enjoyed the movie adaptation though I laughed my ass off everytime Logan’s mom popped out of nowhere to tell Heaven some trash, seriously.

Week #142 of Reading Like A Maniac

Hi.

I have a feeling I’ve chosen huge books in a messy week, I mean, I know for a fact I could’ve read more than just these two but I had my Portuguese final exams, three expositions in a row for University classes during the same week, my annual birthday pijama party with my Parabatai, while attending my regular University classes and teaching ESL for young kids. It was definetely a demanding week since I’m also writing and trying to find inspiration in my inner teenage girl, while trying to avoid falling into depression cuz lately my family and money issues have taken a turn where if I wasn’t able to read I would waste myself on lasagnas and other junk food of the sorts. So this is like therapy for my lonely little heart. Anyways, here it comes, the two too long books I chose to read.

First was ‘Isabel, la conquista del poder‘ by Martín Maurel, book two in the Isabel trilogy. Its literal translation is “Isabel, the conquest of power”.

Newly crowned Isabel has become the first woman in Castile to have it without her husband in the room, and now she’ll have to face the consequences of a raging King, as little Juana becomes more powerful in Portugal and is willing to do what it takes to get the throne that’s hers by blood. Besides plots and political turns there’s the two faiths against Isabel’s Catholic fervor: Moors and Jewish, one’s loyal and passive willing to see a bright future while the other is agressive and clever ready to attack to defend their rights; soon both will face Isabel for who she is, a pious yet fierce Queen.

I’VE NEVER BEEN SO ANNOYED WITH HISTORICAL CHARACTERS MORE THAN NOW.

The book itself was genius, adorably written that allowed me to know what went on in Europe from people of all backgrounds, the greed of Portugal and Spain, the injustice suffered by the Muslim and Jewish, and how monarchs didn’t give a shit about their people as about their own hypocritical faith, together with the Catholic church, obviously. I mean I could side with many in here, starting with poor little Juana who suffered a lot because of her mother, aunt and uncle, she was the one who wanted nothing then wanted what was rightfully hers until she was what everyone wanted her to be just that it wasn’t enough nor right at the time she became that. This girl had the courage her father lacked and the rightful claim her aunt lacked. I mean, Isabel only wanted the throne, the power, as she with her ludicrous husband said “Castile would be better with murderers but not with the infidel”, that quote made my assumptions true since it proved they didn’t care about the people but about their own fanatism as with their selfish greed, it was such a hypocrite move coming from them: the Queen who changed her mind about what was right according to her faith and what Catholic representative knocked her door that day, and a King who cared only for glory and his own conquests more than anything, stepping above his own daughter’s happiness to meet his ideal future. There’s where I found another victim of their treachery, the Infanta Isabel who was treated poorly by both her parents and found true love in her duty only for it to be shattered by Ferdinand’s selfish murder. Then was the whole Inquisition move that made me want to strip myself of my Spanish last name because Holy Christ! So much intolerance and hatred, unchristian stuff but these people actually believed murder and torture was an excuse to give them infidels to Christ, I was horrified by the treatment to the Jewish community, what’s to come to the Muslims and what even those converted to the “true” faith, it was murder, it was horrible and just unfair. It was just a wish to hurt others and I was left feeling impotent for all those who were damaged by these fanatics. RIP to those poor souls.
😩😩😩😩😦😦😦

The second and last book I was able to read was ‘Broken Throne‘ by Victoria Aveyard, a companion novel from the Red Queen series.

After getting the Republic the Reds needed in the former kingdom of Northa, how can Mare go on after murdering a boy she once loved? How can Cal keep going after the traumatic events that led him to change his heart and mind? How can Evangeline move on from her cold heart and embrace her luck? How those who survived dealt with love? How those who perished went completely lost? Venturing over the past, present, and future, it’s our time to know what’s hiding in this universe and its very own heart.

I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE FAST PASSED UNTIL I CHECKED THE ACTUAL AMOUNT OF PAGES.

So I only expected little happy short novellas and perhaps a group of official pictures, but hell I got a lot more, like things I didn’t I would actually want like the confirmation this is a fucking dystopian future like for many years I was left wondering if it was really that or another planet or another dimension but damn, even Julian read a bit of Batman right here so great to understand that this could be our ending. In other news, who could imagine that Coriane’s story would be so ethereal and just heart wrenching, her testimony was filled with a different view on love, sometimes it consumes you but not in a giggly stupid way, instead it takes over while you’re going through some depression and adjustment to new changes, as with a bitch who’s making you bi-polar as suicidal. I felt bad for her, I mean I’m pretty sure she would have loved seeing that even though her son was a great warrior he also had the greatest heart. So you can only imagine how thrilled I was when I read his stories with Mare, I was so giggly as a child only caring about their undeniable chemistry and how everyone around them know they’re meant to be, besides knowing they had kids and they named one Shade was the fucking sweetest! However, not everything was happy, obviously I cried during the last Cal and Maven tale, damn seeing how badly Elara screwed up her own son making this naive young child into a madman for her selfish purposes, and how Cal kneeled to his grave was everything I didn’t I would feel depressed at. I mean I loathed Maven abd still do, but he was a victim and once he was a sweet innocent boy whose only loving partner and companion was his good big brother. 😭😭😭😭 #FuckingElara

Music Killed the Lazy Author #2

Hi, I wasn’t actually going to post cuz somehow my selective short-cut memory tricked me into thinking I had written like a little nothing these couple of weeks, which was obvi wrong! My brain loves playing with me, I don’t like it.

I’m writing this as I’m trying to upload whatever I wrote, regularly I did this without forgetting but I mean it has been weeks since I’ve updated my Wattpad account, my profile picture remains the same of a year ago, that’s serious memory loss for me! Also, my keyboard is a little broken, the ESC and ! button are fucked for good thanks to my exasperation and bad ideas while trying to help my little brother do his homework. It’s messy trying to be “exclamative” with no exclamation mark. But whatever, lets talk about my achievements while writing and managing to get an A on my Portuguese V midterm, as juggling it with a job and my regular classes besides an awful cold/throat ache that is resolved to stay for a couple more days still.

Anyways, last week it was all about dealing with the feeling of “I know I’m screwing my daughter up but the pain is too cruel so I’m gonna keep hurting my daughter”, that Lottie’s mother was going through. Her backstory is a complicated one and is one of those real characters that knows she’s being selfish but knows heartache too well to allow her kid to go through that as well, or at least that’s what she keeps telling herself. In truth, Cordelia just wants to never acknowledge her loss, how death hit her heart hard, how she fears she might return to that misserable state of depression so she only keeps pieces of her good memories in her head, never speaking of it. I mean, to the eyes of Lottie, she had to go through some tough shit with her father, so her dad could have been an ass that broke her mom that she just wants to keep him hidden; no matter what, our girl wants to know what the hell happened and what was he like. They are both so different, whereas Cordelia is more composed she can explote and do things she regrets later, she’s willing to cover her actual intentions just so she’ll remain in her little bubble of memory loss, while Lottie is more no-nonsense when it comes to things she has to discuss, our girl can be hurtful and again say things she could regret but that’s cuz she grew up with no filtre when it comes to get what she wants, to get what’s fair in her sight. She is obviously spoiled, even though she won’t admit it, she’ll be faithful to her nature even if it crushes those around her. And we’ll see to that later on future chapters.

However, this week I focused on Lottie’s daddy issues, since even though she grew up without her father, she somehow has that ache to get that comforting paternal figure she once kinda had with her grandfather, but here we see that she never got over that lack of a dad in her childhood. This idea that if her father had been there, she wouldn’t be so reckless nor her mom would be such a newbie at being a mom, and perhaps she would have a regular loving family. Everything would be alright if he had been there for her. I must admit that his concept of the ghost figure being the key to all our problems came from my own life, till now I feel that way about my grandfather. I mean he was that beloved grandpa figure who left us too soon, and thanks to all the issues I had while growing up, mainly my parents’ separation following my dad’s infidelity which gave me this idea that if my grandpa would have lived longer he wouldn’t have allowed my dad to ruin our family and that he would still be with us, therefore I wouldn’t have trust issues and I would be more confident. I wanted to give that ‘childish’ concept to Lottie cuz I knew how it felt, I knew how to write it so I gave it a go to add a new layer to her personality and make her even more complex and shattered. Besides I wanted to acknowledge that just because she never knew her dad, I mean it remained a ghost of perfect “What ifs” for her, because there was no information. Her mom gave her no picture, her sister gave her an idea of this ideal father so that’s what she cherishes to the point of stealing to get a bigger picture on her dad, as getting a bigger yet vulnerable connection to Dillon in the process. Whic was exactly what I intented, the romance part is turning out difficult for me, I don’t know, I don’t want to make it predictable nor cheesy, I just want it to happen and be a thing in the most fluid way.

About music… well, I discovered the beauty of Hayley Kiyoko‘s songs and I’ll apply them to Lottie’s fun side, Crystal’s new found wonder and some of Sam’s new thing with Hennie getting steamy. While I also dealt with NF and tha tragic song named ‘How Could You Leave Us’, that helped a lot with Lottie’s sense of betrayal that goes back to her childhood with an absen minded mother and ghost for a father. And going back to Sam and Hendrick’s hot new sort of friendly agreement into sexual intercourse, aka friends with benefits I found ‘Señorita’ by Shawn Mendez and Camilla Cabello, to be so meant to be, I’m prety sure I’ll love writing more of that ill-fated relationship.

Anyways, that’s it for today. BTW, I’m still trying to copy all chapter two into Wattpad but it refuses to do the fucking trick, wish me luck for the next hour.

Week #141 of Reading Like A Maniac

Greetings from the land of almost depression, I truly don’t know why I always get like that when I’m alone or when the internet slows down, it gives me permission to evaluate and drown in my thoughts and that’s something I always try to avoid I mean that’s what made me depressed that Summer of 2015 and I promised to never go down that path again so… HERE’S what I read this couple of weeks, btw next week comes another update on my journey through writing a simple NA Ya-ish manuscript.

First book I read, I was expecting since I finished the first season of the TVE tv series, ever since I knew there was some written work behind the successful tv show. I’m talking about the first book in the Spanish trilogy of the same name,  ‘Isabel: Todos conocen a la reina, pero ninguo a Isabel‘ (Isabel: Everyone knows the Queen but nobody knows Isabel) by Javier Olivares.

Isabel of Trastamara was raised to be Castile’s Infanta and nothing more, as the only daughter of late King John and half-sister of King Henry, however she lives a fantasy in a happy castle with her mother and younger brother John. Soon after the announcement of the first pregnancy of her sister-in-law Queen Joanna of Portugal after years of trying and rumors of infertiliy, Isabel and little John are forced to leave her home and venture in a Court of lust, secrets, pain, sin and injustice, as they are now pawns in a political game that does not want King Henry’s new coming child on the throne and could cost more than Isabel and John’s childhood.

LONG AF BUT WORTHY.

Somehow I felt there were more pages than the number I was given, it’s not that it wasn’t interesting or breathtaking but sometimes I felt I was not gonna finish the book on time and I was right since it took me more than two weeks but hell it was worthy. Having watched the TV series already, it took me back to that Isabel cherished and loathed at the same time, her stolen childhood and naivety, her determination and stubbornness as her conniving religious obsession and her uptight personality, again I was proud and heartbroken by her choices. And I must say that the fact this book actually shared the right age and appearance of this young princess was such a jewel because that wasn’t transmitted in the TV series because of budged perhaps, but it made so much sense. It even humanized Joanna of Portugal so much more, one prefers to demonize her but she was afraid and felt that these children could take every single little thing she had gained in Castille by just existing, she had no love until she met Pedro and finally understood what having a family meant. And like in the series, I just hated Ferdinand, such a dick, I know these were the middle ages but damn this dude didn’t realize even then that Queens in their own right were different, they weren’t meant to be just lawful stupid wives destined to bare kids and leave it all to their husbands; on that instance I preferred Gonzalo, that man truly admired and would have been a better husband than Ferdinand ever was. Anyways, no need to say I enjoyed the first book and I’m gonna keep reading the other two books in a near future, perhaps each month would be more suitable for my schedule.

The second book I read was eye-opening stand-alone titled ‘Kings, Queens and In-Betweens‘ by Tanya Boteju.

Nima considers herself the most plain of teenagers, she’s not girly yet she does not think of herself as a tomboy, she has a crush on her straight girl friend and has some untouched abandoment issues thanks to her mom’s departure; she’s your regular unmipressive girl next door until the Summer arrives and her heart is shattered by the soft words of rejection, whoever she soon sees herlsef sorrounded by a world of magic, glamour and drag personas where she finally feels she can escape her shell and just live.

WAS I EXPECTING MORE? YEAH. WAS I STILL PLEASED? HELL YEAH.

I must admit I felt drawn to this book because of my whole RuPaul addiction and the fact I’m interested in the wonder of the LGBTQ community, but I ended up bonding with Nima and her insecure not talkative self, I’ve been there feeling like “what do I do next?”, “is everyone thinking I’m the most boring/embarassing person ever?”. So I understood that imminent fear of judgement not only of others but of myself, besides the whole parent drama that I had in my childhood. I was able to bond and cherish a book character that represented this community, I got to see my drag addiction as the *no pun intended* faery godmother helping a young girl in her path of self discovery and to just look at life’s bright side with cheering personas and a bubbly way of being. I became appreciative of Nima’s story, because my darling fellow reviews, this was Her story not other characters that were great and complex like Gordon or her robe loving dad, but weren’t the intended focus of this book and who knows perhaps Tanya will write an spin-off to fulfill their povs with answers but now it’s time to celebrate how entertainingly and magically represented one can feel during Pride Month with this lovely tale.

Final book I read was the first in the NA ‘Briar U’ series by Elle Kennedy, titled ‘The Chase‘.

Summer has been defined by the spoiled and bimbo tags all her life until people get to know her, finding her kind and quirky with a huge love for life and joy; however, the guy she’s currently interested in does not want to be around her and just called her shallow and superficial so what did she do? Got kssed by his friend in New Year’s Eve right before moving to their house as a roomate. Fitzy wants to avoid girls like Summer, no matter how fun and seet she can be, she’s his friend’s sister and his other friend’s new object of love so she’s a big no no. But once their feelings get too close, will they come together or fall apart because of their own wrong idea of the other?

I SHED A TEAR OR TWO.

I was looking for an easy read with some sassy happy ending and that’s exactly what I got, and that’s as I’m just finding out I skipped a book in the previous series, the last one and that this just spoiled its outcome. I guess we cannot have everything in life, right? Anyways, this story was a complex yet fun adventure, I was waiting for insta love meets hot one night stands with generic couples but these guys were complicated! Summer might seem like that rich mean girl that just gets it all but she’s a free spirit, she’s a nice girl with a beautiful joy for life as she deals with her own issues like her learning problems as her own self sabotage when it comes to trusting her own accomplishments, while Fitzy took me a little harder to figure out and had me stressed and annoyed big part of the book until I got that he was an undecided prick he’d involuntaryly forced himself not to be open to others and not get himself in a social super dramatic position, all because of his parents selfishness and that he needed Summer to scape that protective yet damaging bubble. I found myself relating to both cuz I am that voice that tells me I’m not smart enough or pretty enough for everyone, and I’m that almost robotic person with what could look like no feelings because of my parents issues, I got them in a level I never thought I would relate to an NA character, so thank you Elle Kennedy for giving me strenght that things can get better and sometimes we’re good enough and perhaps we can explore our comfort zone, thanks for making me feel not so weird about these quirks. 😊😊 Besides addressing serious problems like harassment in College and feminism, I just fucking loved it! 😘

Music Killed the Lazy Author #1

HI.

So I promised I would start doing this on April… and we’re starting June so hey, I’m so inconsistent when it comes to anything but work and reading, but anyways I’ll give you now what I promised.

I will not say writing was my call when I was a kid, I mean my mom loved to say I read a lot when in reality I just knew how to read but it wasn’t like I had my own books at home and I loved reading because of the joy of doing it so. I grew up with this lie all until I actually was given a book I thought was interesting back in 6th grade of Primary School I think, it was about witches with lots of historical and mysterious facts, as well as gracious pictures that my dad couldn’t or didn’t want to afford at the moment so what did my mother do? Oh, yeah, she was such a criminal printing a copy of the original book so I could read it and get an A… It wasn’t such a big deal back then in 2007, at least not in my country, so I read it because I adored the stories and got an A, and corrected my classmates like an annoying brat about their misconceptions, I must say that as an 11-year old I took revenge on my nemesis correcting her public statement that witches were imprisoned when the book clearly said “burned and hanged” in front of the whole class. Then years 2008 came and I watched Twilight for the very first time after getting drawn by a huge poster in the front ot the cinema, anyways it wasn’t until a year later that I found out it was a book series and bought the books with my allowance one by one for 5 or 6 months, I remember I finished New Moon in two days and was impressed as heck. So I knew I had to write something… Anything at this point, so I chose Green Day’s Jesus of Suburbia’s long ass music video as synopsis for what I wanted to write, I did it in what I know realize must have been a beta version of a website where anyone could upload their stories, and of course I wrote the draft of a little beta version of what could be a short story in Spanish, it had promise but it wasn’t as juicy as a real tale. So I watched the New Divide music video having ew Moon coming soon and I couldn’t help myself but to creat my own Twilight, yeah, ampires and a family of them with a human girl or was it a boy? I seriously cannot remember but the thing was I was stuck with those stories in my head, then I finished school thinking I wanted to do make-up for a living and ended up studying English but not as for English literature but the language, turns out I was pretty good at it and I got more and more into reading… or at least reading synopsis of books in TeenReads, then I got my dad to buy me my first book being City of Ashes, I had already seen the movie and got some spoilers thanks to wikia so I fell in love with it while listening to the TVD playlist of Spotify, you know when there was not such thing as a premium account on Spotify… I fell in love with books and now I’m a nonstop reader who writes her own stories, some of which are small drafts like this sci-fi teen romance I made when I was still not in University. Then I realised I got this ideas and kinda like trailers in my head when I listened to music, and I started to write them down so I woul never forget based on aesthetics and what I wanted to happen, I mean if there was not gonna be any stories like that I was meant to made them.

So that’s what I’m current doing. Writing a manuscript that came to my mind when I was 18 I think, now it has changed a lot, not because of creative growth but mostly  cuz of the computer I had all the inofrmation and inspiring pictures on died and it’s too expensive to transfer all that to my new computer, is a mess so I had the idea and the idea of the characters as their arch but I had forgotten their names as well as their distinctive looks. I almost lost it when I realized that not only ws my Netbook dead with some fashion cuts I had but also most of my synopsis… So last year I started writing this tale that was firstly named “Heartbreakers” which, yeah, was inspired by the Marina and the Diamonds’ song as by most of this YA thing the CW had in the days of the OC and Gossip Girl, it was soap opera-ish with some actual character development, so I felt the urge to write about it and I changed its name to “WRECKING the heartbreaker“. So I’ll tell you a bit of what it is about: “A girl meets a guy and they fall over heels for each other, but there’s the issue that he’s a shameless womanizer and she’s a merciless meneater, both used to get what they want by any seducing available. He’s always being the popular jock with abandonment issues thanks to his mom and she0’s being the It girl without going for it with no real boundaries given by her mom. He’s middle class and she’s a rich girl. Together they are the perfecf mix for disaster, and none is willing to give up on their selfish desires, not even for the other.” And yeah, I know it might sound childish for a 22 year old to be writing YA, but this is such a smooth calssy NA that I was interested on with no shame. I found the story compelling and while I explored the characters and gave each of them a believable arc, I was enchanted by them… To te point to writing them making some bad choices and still finding some motherly love for them. As a plus, I must admit that I give my characters storylines that deep inside me I wanted to be a part of no matter how twisted nor how egotistical it might be, I wanted to be that unintentional popular girl who was just gorgeous with an active sex life that in any world would be consider a slut for sleeping around but for her she was enjoying her secuality without hurting others nor herself, and I found myself creating Liselotte (yeah, I have a thing for Versailles): a girl with some unresolved problems like her mom not giving two shits for her when she was little, living with no rules with all the money in the world but still choosing not be a mean girl, for whom not believeing nor caring for love was a self defense mechanism for some dreams shattered about her first sexual attachment to a guy. I created ‘Lottie’ as this untouchable It girl, who actually loves with all she has and fights for those she cares but with some psycho in her willing to defend her things no matter the violence she could use to get her way nor her manipulative bone when she’s hurt and wants revenge. I got her scenes with songs like ‘Horns’ by Bryce Fox, ‘bad guy’ by Billie Eilish, ‘like that’ by Bea Miller and’ 5 In The Morning’ by Charli XCX.

There’s also Dillon, our main hot guy, our protagonist that first came to mind as Declan Coyle from Degrassi (dreamy!) and ended up looking like Don Benjamin (H-O-T), with no real storyline more than just being her match and being a total dick to her in future stories and on this one too, breaking her heart and shit but I recently turned him into a more human version of that beta model, he still makes irrational choices but has more depth with his own absent mother and his fear for expressing love… He knows how to flirt and be a generous lover but knows nothing of being in a loving relationship with someone he actually cares for. Sometimes I think of him as a lost puppy with anger issues and who just needs someone to be insistent being annoying to him to et him to his senses; his dad loves him but Charlie is not enough to fill the black hole his choices have driven him to, it might seen cool and badass to be a guy like him but it has become a kinda like a manic disorder, he just can’t stop being a dick to girls. Songs like ‘I’m a Mess’ by Bebe Rexha, ‘Living Death’ by Marina and the Diamonds, ‘You Found Me’ by The Fray and ‘Hurt’ by Johnny Cash.

However, I had some problems trying to write the moment where they would eventually fall in love, or at least have the balls to give in into what they were feeling to just kiss without caring the world falling apart around them, I needed that emotion of them connecting and continue conversations without staying like  “I really don’t know this emotions, I liked guys before but never actually interacted in this flirty ay with anyone so… what comes after? how does one carry this connection scenes? how does it happen in real life?” . I mean I found me asking these things to a friend about his relationship and still I was like NO! There has to be a moment where you feel that click of *connection* I mean i can’t believe that feeling just grows gradually and is moe like you get use to the person. It has to be so much more than that, so I wrote it like that: Each of them bessoted with each other while a sort of date out in he middle of an elementary’s playground, I made it happen and I was ok with the outcome.

Also I dealt with inner feelings of other characters, like Crystal, that was the only name I seemed to remember from my lost archives. She’s your typical unexperienced, sweet, smartass girl with nothing better to do than remember the good old times she spent with her former best friend Kenneth. They are estranged to each other but become social when their new friends Dillon and Lotte start spending some dangerous time together. Crystal obviously is too naive to figure out the true issues of everyone around her but is willing to stop stressing herself with more worries and lets hereslef loose to stop Kenneth from trying to boss her around like he did before. So I’m dealing with this type of archaic character as the 22 year old I am who’s no longer that girl, so it’s hard making her a good natured girl without making her a cliché, so here’s my attepmpt to humanize her by giving her a love for fashion she’ll never will dare to use beside she can’t really afford those clothes. So besides beign mature but still a kid with a crush, she’s good at style and dashion when it comes to help other people. This way she’s the complete opposite of otte in some ways, she will never be bold enough until she’s got her mango+vodka drink, can become bossy and unexpected but remains true to herself by trusting others and finally seeing the good in herself instead of only glorifying others.

I also ventured to write my first sort of explicit sex scene, that0s when I knew it was a classy NA,  no longer YA. I did it on a nightclub, sort of like that first scene in the Michelle espisode of Skins US, just that more descriptive and focused on them two instead of the noise of the club itself merging with the couple. It was embarassing and I totally forgot to put a condom on them, I edited that part later; it was messy but I had no need to mention penies nor vaginas, not even boobs so yeah, it was classier than most NA’s, there was no excesive talking between them but just two people enjoying sex against a wall in a club near their friends. I had this idea and it took an spontaneous twist when I typed it with my phone, yeah I write with that before going to class and once I arrive home to save time.

So that was road till now, I’ll keep you aware of my progress and I’ll keep reading just that this last book has been too long, longer than I expected but so worthy!!!

Week #140 of Reading Like A Maniac

Good morning, y’all.

So this week has been indeed exhausting as college student willing to do some business, but at least I’m getting paid (normal half University classes, partime job as an ESL teacher, partime Portuguese student, advisor of “tesina [baby thesis]”); as I’m awfully annoyed by the spoilers on Reddit about #GoT’s finale which as I never expected will be dessapointing. Anyways, I had time to read ONLY two books, which is quite an embarrasment for me as a reviewer and a fangirl, and I can only hope that with the upcoming freedom I’ll have on my Sundays after the TV series end, I’ll have more time to spend reading like the maniac I am.

First book I read was The Savior by J.R. Ward, book number 17 in the Black Dagger Brotherhood series.

Murhder’s insanity was not as simple as everyone thought, it has a sad act of selfness as a blackbone. He never meant to betray his Brothers nor his King, however they were so ready to turn their backs on him, but now he’s in need of all their help to fullfill his purpose: To save those innocents, he couldn’t save in the past. But there was one thing he never expected to find in the process of extraction: a female, a human female that makes him want his sanity again.

I WAS NOT PARTICULARLY INTERESTED IN THIS BOOK.

Soooo. I actually never really cares about Muhrder, I didn’t actually remember his name, I mean he was Xhex’s ex lover for all I knew. He was mad so I couldn’t care less but the moment he explained why he got like that, all the sacrifices he made to protect those he cared for and the he met Dr. Sarah who’s another little sweetheart like him and goes through all that shit, I mean it was pretty sickening that no brother of the Brotherhood was not willing to help this couple until the truth was unveiled, not even when they saved John. That’s what annoyed the heck out of me, I mean that was just plain mean for my new ship. They’re both weirdos and I love them, we must protect this slowly building family of three from that bible darkness wondering as a Contrary to the Scribe Virgin. We need to kill that thing.

The second and last book I read (which took me a long time for a change to read) was A Mad Zombie Party by Gena Showalter, the last book in the White Rabbit Chronicles.

Frosty is dead alive, after Kat’s painful passing he has been on a rampage of self-loathing and sleeping around with everything that, at least for a night, looks like his girlfriend. So when she appears breaking up with him and trying to help him move on, he just won’t take it. Specially if it comes with a dissatrous plus: Milla, the traitor, one of the bastards responsible for Kat’s dead, now ready to protect Frosty at all costs for some hope of redemption.

OF COURSE I WANT A SPIN-OFF, HOW DARE YOU LEAVING ME LIKE THIS, GENA?!

I wasn’t expecting much that the same cliche story over and over again of the unexpected pair finding love in eah other… I mean I didn’t even remember Milla well I just knew Frosty and Kat were fun together and now they’re having this last book so I wasn’t sure. Then I dive thinking about how amazing their backstories are and how well they complemented each other and I knew there was gonna be angst but I want it! There were moments I wanted to be like Milla cuz girl could keep her face straight despite all the funny shit that came out of her and Frosty’s mind but damn she didn’t value herself enough until the man did it himself and she thought herself as worthy only because of it, cuz she was “worthy of him”, of being loved which was not quite feminist for my taste 🤔🤔😐 but I let it go since we have a ten years time jump with the gang’s kids and a possible romance between Kat and Milla’s brother whose name I literally cannot recall! So Gena… It’s been 2 years… Girl, give us a spin-off, please! 🙏🙏🙏