At the movies… Let It Snow

Hi, anyone who reads this on a Friday morning.

So the moment I found out there was gonna be a Netflix movie based on ‘Let It Snow’, I inmediatly remembered I had to read the book like a year ago or two years ago, anyways I scheduled my reading session two Sundays ago and I enjoyed it. So I was eager to watch this movie like a Christmas reminder and I guess it sort of backfire… But just a little bit.

The moment I saw that there was gonna be an LGBTQ+ replacement for Addie and Jeb’s love story I was like wtf is going on. I’m not ok with that because we already had a sweet lovely character that connected all the stories like Jeb and now for the sake of Netflix’s will to profit out of this community, they’ll erase his presence? NO! But still I gave it a choice. And here are my thoughts:

I felt like Netflix grabbed the book and made a milkshake with it, put a few teen love story clichés as toppings and gave us their interpretation of what could sell well to non readers. I mean it was an ok film, with all the cheesy scenes between the first two couples and the whole Dorrie storyline, but I let it go, so it was tolerable mostly because it kept some of the things from the book. Other things more than just the names of the character and a draft of the book’s plot, however I was also glad they kept the whole Keon selfish but funny personality. They also sold it to us readers with the sweettalk to Carla the car, and kinda the cheerleaders who ended up being a dance crew (?). Besides that, they ruined Jeb completely by giving him the plot of Julie’s boyfriend, also Netflix turned the whole self value plot of Julie and Stuart into a less developed ‘Starstruck’ wannabe, which didn’t do it for me until that Nativity scene with all the religions just enjoying the festivities.

So overall, it was an okay movie if you haven’t read the book. Otherwise, you might feel misguided and not so into it. I’d give it like two stars for the adaptation, and four point seven stars for the movie itself.

RLAM: #146

Hi, so this is terribly late.

But, hey I forgot to post this yesterday and I just remembered after getting back home after university classes. Anyways, I totally believed that I had read like a short embarrasing amount of books but hey, I ate 9 stories these couple of weeks and I’m glad, however I know I could have read more if I hadn’t been in my grandma’s house not having a good childish Halloween all weekend. Normally, I dress up with my little children cousins and that’s ok by me, as an introvert who’s too afraid to not find any costume that could fit her newly rounded body as there were no formal invitations these last couple of years but whatever, instead I spent my week trying eating out some huge pizza with my older sister, getting selfies I look semi decent in, and obvi not getting the Halloween/Cartoon Network donuts from Dunkin Donuts I craved for, besides I had to teach some English and Math to my annoying almost teenage cousin. As I tried to write I lost an entire day of it because I wasn’t getting my other cousin’s laptop and I got too invested in going through my social media, but whatever what’s done is done, right? Let’s go with the actual news, I’m doing a review on the new Netflix book to screen adaptation of ‘Let It Snow’, and I can’t wait to be 33.3% dissapointed on its execution, so wait for it.

First book I read was the tough as nails, ‘Little Monsters‘ by Kara Thomas.

Kacey’s new best friends have a thing for playing with her… Her emotions, her life, her fears like she was their doll and Kacey lets it happen since she wants to make it work, even to the point where she begins to question if that friendship is right. But before she can even consider this, her mind goes blank and when she wakes up one of her friends has gone missing and everyone is pointing her as the guilty one.

** spoiler alert ** DAMN.

Kara Thomas, you are just fucking amazing, I mean I’m inspired to write more of this genre because of your premium level stories, seriously keep doing it, I need to be fed. It’s just marvelous work, piece of deadly fiction. Perfect, I mean just when I thought these mystery YA novels could no surprise me anymore, here it comes ‘Little Monsters’ and its shocking plot twist! Again, damn! So yeah, after that little thankful preamble, I must admit I shipped the hell out of Andrew and Kacey, I mean he was nice and they had this relationship but only like platonic and sibling like, so yeah, whatever. Next: I totally had my list of suspects before that big reveal, I thought that it could have been Kacey because she said she blacks out, besides she had this anger management background so it would be shocking that the main character was the killer all the fucking time but no, then my next guess was that perhaps Ashley did it, I mean she drugged her kids with god knows what, she’s not stable trying to keep her marriage while her kids are suspects, then the knife was her own, so yeah there was that. Then I believed it could have been Andrew but that was a weak lead that not even in the greates theories it could have had substance enough to be real. Finally, I totally saw that Jade had to do with it, I mean she was always in the background of all of Bailey’s crazy schemes, also she had no real ‘family’ so she could’ve wanted Bailey’s all along, I mean bitch slept in her fucking bed right away, but I never expected to be out of that cold heart and selfish nature of hers I mean her mom was not even dead and she totally manipulated poor unstable Lauren. BTW, I was like WTF, Lauren?!! HOW FUCKING COME?! I was shocked, I mean that’s what I call great prosperous narrative and such creativity. Though I still have some questions like, where was Jade’s mom all along? Was it really her dad the man living with her or someone else? What really happened to the Red Woman? So many unanswered questions. I wish there would be a novella like to give us that. Jezz.
“Girls are not princesses, and I know all the possible endings to the stories about the girls in peril. They’re rarely happy.”
“(…) all the ghost stories got it wrong: evil isn’t a spirit or a monster or a ghost. It lives inside regular people, and it doesn’t know the difference between night and day.”
“But that’s the problem with letting someone slowly chip away at your walls-when you let too much of yourself out, there’s no way to get it back.”
“Some men just aren’t cut out to be fathers of teenage girls.”
“I don’ have any of that to look back on. I wish it only made me sad, not pissed off, but my anger and sadness have always had a codependent relationship. I don’ know no to be angry at the fact that who I am now isn’t good enough; that I’m not a little girl.”

Second story I read was a prequel of Little Monsters, a short story called ‘Wrath‘ by the same author.

The ‘Red Lady’ has been part of the culture of a small town, but what is there that’s actually real? What’s hiding on the woods? What whispers death into your ears once she chooses you? All the answers will go to a lonely girl that only wanted to have a good time with her girls at a college party.

I HAD LOTS OF QUESTIONS, AND THEY WERE ANSWERED.

So you mean to tell me that that woman wearing red blood was real?! F M L! I mean, great because she saved that poor unfortunate girl from that middle aged raper, but damn the ghost is real and can kill, so that means that damn Lauren could have been easily manipulated by the very real GHOST… which means she could or couldn’t be dangerous or possibly could still spend all her life on an asylum because the red woman might have grown attached to that poor little girl. I’m still left with some many “what if” kind of statements in my head. We seriously need a damn sequel.

Then I read a 90s parallel universe like story known as ‘Out of Salem‘ by Hal Schrieve.

Monsters are real. And now Z just discovered her parents died and she’s slowly becoming a zombie in a world that hates on the supernatural, even when they’re scared to death teenagers living in the unpredictable 90s. But she’ll soon discover that being a zombie might not be her only uncertainty… but the intolerant townies ready to end anyone who’s different human or not.

PLEASE, TELL ME THIS’LL HAVE A SEQUEL.

Dear, Lord. First, I mean the idea was cool I mean a less provocative vintage True Blood style of the supernatural being out there but terribly judged in a manifesto of how minorities and LGBTQ+ communities were dealt with in the 90s. Somehow, it was all too loose for my liking until a 60% of the book, I mean it isn’t that the characters weren’t likable but the plotline had no place to hold on to, IDK, perhaps that was only my perspective, who knows. But after that the plotline had somewhere to go, it had a goal after all: looking for freedom while running from the police and all the republican intolerant bitches. And now, there’s even a bigger plotline with that little twist, I mean they could be in another dimension? What about our dimension with no supernaturals? Could it be that? Ok, let’s talk about the writing style, it was ok, I mean I’m not complaining thought I wish it was more IDK, more entertaining something I could just go along, I know this from the pov of a zombie but still I want to live the experience, anyways, it was good. Not amazing like everyone says but definitely very provocative and redundant, as it was creative, artsy even. I hope there’s a sequel, though.
“Stuff happens and you get weird forever, (…)”.

Fourth book I read was a neonazi parallel universe named ‘The Big Lie‘ by Julie Mayhew.

What if the Nazis had won WWII? What if they were still in power all over Europe? That’s the reality Jessica Keller has lived, the life she thinks is the right way of living, the only one fit for her. Until she starts questioning the way women are treated, young women are treated, the way she is treated like she didn’t matter and perhaps… Just perhaps, that’s no longer the right way of living her own life.

** spoiler alert ** I STILL DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL. IDK.

So when I got this book, I don’t know if I read the synopsis well or maybe I was distracted by the word “lie” in that lovely pink cover, but I had no idea this was gonna be present day universe where the Nazis won WWII, damn. Anyways, I must admit I don’t particularly like these stories if there’s no uprising to defeat the great evil with action packed moments, so I have to say that perhaps it was not my favorite coming of age tale, I mean I appreaciate the whole “let’s have another way of thinking of the shitty Nazi beliefs because maybe the who programing and racist perfection is not so cool”, since it was almost enough, I mean this girl Jess lives in a world full of fucking opression and brain washed individuals, it was almost worse than The Handmaiden’ Tale when it came to an anti-feminist agenda, Jesus I found my soft core again trying to counsel and hug this girl because of that rapey moment between her and FUCKING Felix, aka the perv teacher, dude! And btw, I found Clementine’s bravery one of the best I’ve ever laid eyes upon, she wasn’t looking to get saved or running away like a coward, hell no, she went off in fucking flames like a pro, she was braver than Katniss. In other news, I just totally wish Jess wasn’t brainwashed again, I want her to still try to plot against Hitler and all that awful region of fanatics, no joke. Otherwise, this was just another story where I’m impotent towards the shit innocent people get thrown at. Give me some hope, please.

“Not everyone can be a leader.”
“You’re only bad if they catch you.”
“We are underdogs but we scare the hell out of them.”
“We hide books so they can’t be burned. We keep thought alive.”
“We decide that surviving isn’t enough. We want to live.”
“I wish I’d grabbed that joy with the both of my hands, do you know what I mean? Joy in whatever form it comes to you. Whatever the consequences…”
“I came to this conclusion: admitting that your parents are wrong is too hard. (…) Acknowledging that they haven’t stepped up to the job and cared for you in the right way is close to impossible.”
“It’s better to live a short honest life, (…), than a long, long, long one in the dark.”
“Do you ever feel like you are not your body? That you are trapped inside of it? A soul, if you like. (…) Even though you want to leave your body behind, your greatest wish is to be reconnected with it. (…) But you can’t do either of those things-leave or go back- because either way you’re trapped.”
“I had done something that I believed in. Not something I had been instructed to do, something that came from within me. It felt good. It felt like being good.”
“The strongest rebellion is to stay alive, (…). That way you can change things, have your say. Outnumber them.”

Next I read another stand-alone named ‘The History of Jane Doe‘ by Michael Belanger.

The moment Jane Doe went inside his classroom that first day of school, he just knew that she would rock his world. However, nothing prepared Ray to loose everything in what was left of his universe in his small town just because she’s gone… This is the story of how a girl actually ended up truly changing Ray’s life forever.

PEOPLE SHOULD REALLY READ THIS WHEN THEY FIND OUT ABOUT PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS.

Lately, I’ve been reading a couple of books with this same topic without actually noticing my interest on it. I neve thought I could actually discuss this with others, I thought it would always be me sharing this emotion nobody I told about had felt before, this helpless sadness that no matter how much you push away it haunts you like a fucking black hole ready to swallow you. My depression wasn’t as serious as the one despicted here and in other books, mine was the lucky kind where you get a couple antidepresants and you’re “fixed” but there’s still that fear that it might come back if I get too sad by my own life and lack of connections so yeah that’s what this book made me realise. Because this is what life with mental illness truly is, a lot of laughter but still that moment of unstoppable sadnes that comes for you, when friends that care like Ray and relatives like Jane’s parents can’t fully understand and are constantly trying to fix for their own happiness and your own sanity as well, I mean this story represented that exactly: what goes through the minds of those who are around the depressed individual. How it all starts with a person and there’s that chance that this person has it, like when Ray didn’t understand how it worked, how it wasn’t a matter of just wishing to be happy, how he suffered the consequences of loving Jane with her sinking outcome, how he realised this wasn’t about his sadness over loosing her but how She was the main person in those moments. How SHE truly was, not to affect others with her leaving but with how it affected HERSELF. I stick with the statement of how this book can help others to finally see depression as it is, not a made up thing as I once heard from some relatives, but something you simply don’t get and is not up to the person who suffers from it to get rid of those “sad feelings”. Anyways, leaving the seriousness behind, I’d like to add that I’ve never read anything from Michael Belanger and I must admit that this was a great way to start, he’s a great writer with a capacity for fun one-liners, memorable characters (amazing Simon) and full-on making readers cry over memories wether those were gleeful or just incredibly devastating. PROPS!
“I thought of my own family trips, the nonsensical fights (…). All the signs of a healthy, functional family.”
“Change is good, Ray. Otherwise, life is boring.”
“People don’t like simple explanations, Jane said. It kind of takes the magic out of life.”
“One thing doesn’t define you. It’s just part of the truth.”
“I imagine all the kids who believe in Santa and a benevolent universe that keeps score rewarding the good and punishing the bad. But I don’t believe that anymore. Now I don’t know what to believe.”
“We look back and know that using leeches and draining people’s blood was a bad idea. That you can’t just pray for a cure. But with depression and stuff, people still act like something’s wrong with you. That you’re choosing it or something. But they are not.”
“Life is unpredictable, she said.”
“I realized how hard it must have been for her. To go around feeling like you had to be embarrassed and ashamed. That your love of folk music, your drawing, chasing conspiracy theories and weird histories-you could add all them up, but they’d still feel less than your sadness.”
“Lately I’ve been feeling like a terminally ill patient, but without the Make-A-Wish Foundation. No national headlines, no supporters pouring on donations, no celebrities wishing me well, no towns pretending I’m a superhero for a day. I guess that’s how it is for most of us. Our pain goes unnoticed, we suffer alone, (…).”
“Were you ever in love?
Of course, she says, too quickly for it to be full of shit. But love doesn’t keep people together.”
“Maybe this is cynical, but I get the feeling that his visit is more of his conscience than it is for me. Like I’ve forced him to take a break from his real life (…).”
“He’s checking off boxes so he seems like a good guy. He can play the part of the tragic hero fleeing an unhappy marriage. Respecting the wishes of his wife and son to give them space. And then flying back to his hometown to help his son cope with his demons. How brave. Fucking father of the year.”
“As long as there are people, there will be problems, he said.”
“When someone dies, we spend so much time looking for an explanation. The rest of the time we spend making sure we won’t forget them. So we built statues. Hold memorials. Visit graves. All of these physical marker that make it impossible to forget. But what if it’s the opposite? What if the only way we can really remember is if we stop looking to the past? Maybe then they’ll become more them and less us.”
“The past is now just the past. The amazing, complicated, tragic, beautiful, fantastic past.”
“(…) the good kind of sad. The kind that means you really care about something. The kind that means you have something to lose.”
“Visionaries don’t see with their eyes, they see with their hearts.”

The sixth one was ‘Killing November‘ by Adriana Mather, the first part of her new series that goes by the same name.

November’s dad has always thought the world could turn up against them in a second, so he insisted on her not be so trusting of others, even those that look like friends but she never learnt. Now she’s starting to understand his motivations, the moment he leaves her in a deadly Boarding School, not only the girls are mean but also cruel vixens with knifes, not only are the boys atractive but also cruel sadists, and not only are the stundents secretive but they also could be potential killers ready to put the blame on the new girl. Does November have what it takes to survive here? Or, she’ll not only loose her morality but her own self.

** spoiler alert ** IT LIVED THROUGH ITS POTENTIAL.

I was expecting a sacred mystery and somehow I got it, not in the way I wanted it but I’m happy with the outcome, I mean I got this set of characters with a lot of potential and badass qualities I hadn’t seen since Nightschool, but I loved that this girl’s main core is her emotional self towards the coldness of her other robot like classmates. It was a refreshing sight, with no fear to get nasty and violent in the most unlikely way for a YA book, I mean I can’t recall quite well if I ever saw any main character receive a punch in the face like that or a slap that rough, the choice were fearless and props to that. But let’s discuss this whole murder mystery deal, I had my money on Pippa or even Layla for moments, I mean it would be my obvious first call but in the end it was Conner this whole time, this psychiatrist or psycho-something that I seriously imagine as this short guy balded with glasses and a nice personality, IDK why, I relate these counselor characters with that appearance but hell no this man was a little raw deadly son of bitch. And the whole mystery of her parents was like too obvi, the moment these amazing past students were mentioned twice I just knew it had to be them, besides there was the whole we can’t intermarry or else death, that gave me another clue. It was too obvi, but somehow I’m not upset by the lack of mystery right there, I guess I just enjoyed the ride through all those fascinating classes and the richness of every single character, even the accent master girl. Jezz, I seriously have issues remembering all their names, anyways, can’t wait for the next one since this has the potential to become a series.
“Having a healthy sense of suspicion prepares you for every possible danger.”
“(…) if you can’t do something without being noticed, create confusion.”
“Flattery will get you everywhere.”
“Curiosity is [a] human instinct, (…)”.
“Maybe there’s a fine line between sadness and anger, (…).”
“While something can be helpful in a small dose, it can be lethal in a large one. I’m not only talking about substances here-mediations someone might be taking of cleaning products they use. I’m asking you to look beyond what is obvious to the more subtle and, if you can master them, the best of the poisons: emotional and psychological. If you can dose someone strongly enough with either one, death is likely to follow no physical evidence left behind.”
“(…) caring for someone means so much responsibility that it’s overwhelming.”

After that I ventured deep in the compilation of short Christmas stories known as ‘Let It Snow‘ by John Green, Maureen Johnson and Lauren Myracle.

Normally, Christmas is full with peace and family hugs but in this small town things might be a little different this year. Three friends will risk their life to get a Twister game to the Waffle house full of cheerleaders. Two strangers will find a home in each other’s words. And a self-absorbed girl will have to find a pig or else she’ll loose her friends for good. All nice and calm under the mistletoe.

WHO KNEW CHRISTMAS COULD BE THIS SWEET WITHOUT CHEESYNESS?.

I must admit that I ventured on this journey thinking that it was only a little John Green tale two years ago, I mean I delayed it a lot… like two years for me to hurry up trying to read it in one seat because the movie is coming out in a week… Only to find out that Netflix totally erased the last story and add on the pig plus the name of Addie, which makes me terribly upset since they’ll erase the nice little man Jeb is to her and how they are so good for each other to give her an LGBTQ+ plot that I know is meant to show equality and you know diversity but dude, you just missed the oportunity to give some Native American representatives a fucking call with this couple. But whatever, let’s discuss the three most lovely love short stories related to Christmas season, I mean I believed this would be so slow and perhaps a bit boring but no, hell no, it was actually totally relatable and cute, and funny. Besides the characters and the most ridiculous situations sorrounding them were legit priceless. I mean the waffles and cheerleaders and twister, and pimpim moms, and piglet robber angels, too much for me to take and I hope that at least with the first two stories Netflix can put out some justice. Anyways, now I’m so glad I picked this book to read now, I recommend it with a playlist of Sia’s Christmas album and perhaps some Christma’s Glee album too.

“One person’s crazy is another person’s sane, I guess.”
“The expression is: a boy’s best friend is his mother. It’s not: a boy’s best pimp is his mother.”
“Holidays bring out neediness like nothing else –(…).”
“Christmas is a state of mind.”

The seventh book I read was the contemporary romancy stand-alone named ‘Hot Dog Girl‘ by Jennifer Dugan.

Lou Parker has been chosen again to play the Hot Dog at Magic Castle Playland, and she hates it. The girlfriend of her crush has landed on the Princess role and she hates it. And playland is going to close together with her last living good memories of her family before her mom went away, and she hates it. But she has a plan, a strange unrealistic plan to get the guy she wants, and her job place for good with the help of her Knight in shining armour, her bff Seeley. Or it could blow up in her face, who knows?

** spoiler alert ** I MUST ADMIT I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS ONE’S SYNOPSIS AND READ IT BECAUSE OF THE FUNNY COVER.

I didn’t remember at all that I was gonna read a lovely queer romance that had me crushing and making heart eyes at everything, besides this one has got some bi representation when it is needed so badly, without judgement or sexist puns. I mean this one was so great, about how we truly are “in-love” with the outside, because we love this idea of people around us and try to make it perfect for us in a way, that’s what happened with adorable yet scheme loving Lou, you may think the girl was a little too obsessed and kind of dellusional but damn, I never felt more identified with a character’s crazy all over the place thoughts and words, I mean girl, I’m that 24×7, trying to avoid the ugly parts of her life by giving herself a purpose for this summer, whether it’s getting the guy she likes or keeping her beloved place of work, that’s somehow what I call determination no matter the odds or comments about how nuts this is. I’m siding with Lou, and who doesn’t want a bff like Seeley? I mean, the girl deserves a prize for putting up to every crazy idea Lou drove her into to get her ways, besides maybe not friendly but girl is a definite good kisser. And what about a guy like Nick to be a friend or whatever? I mean the guy had me with the baking abilities, I need that ASAP! Anyways, what a great start for a new author, props on the funny bits and the whole crazy yet hilarious situations Lou got us into, and the concept itself of the Hot Dog Girl. I would recommend it to people looking for easy reads and contemporary romances with a spark of uniqueness. It’s nothing that makes you cry but aww all over the place as you LOL for your dear life.
“It’s literally impossible not to smile back when a boy in an apron looks at you like you just made his whole night.”
“I’m not how people think. Nobody is, apparently.”
“It feels good to be liked.”

Finally I read was a coming-of-age tale known as ‘Summer of ’69‘ by Todd Strasser.

Right in the Summer of Love, Lucas has to make a choice is he willing to be send to war or he’ll finally settle down to make his own future something worth living. While his estranged girlfriend is away, he is tempted to cheat to relieve his urges, he’s tempted to give a damn about how he’s ruined his chances of going to college, he’s tempted to do everything he can to avoid killing others. But will it all be enough with the drugs and unknown world near him?

** spoiler alert ** THIS WAS ONE OF THOSE WEIRD YET PROVOCATIVE RIDES.

I was on it the moment I saw the cover and read the plot, I thought I was into it because of the whole 60s hippie kind of thing, but I was so so so wrong. I mean, I was mostly bored trying to connect to Lucas for like 48% of the book, he was just so whiny and such a junkie, and so inmature and I know he was like just came out of HS with this whole Peace and Love lust for drugs, I got it. But I figured out it was the times and also some of the upbringing, that even now there are things that some believe are false just because it doesn’t suit with their alternative facts. I mean for me, he was a poser and that’s it. But when I kept reading I got where it all came from, His family life was not the best. His mom living in denial for the best of her life and her kids’, as his dad (shitty paterfamilias, yeah I got used to that nickname) was always not the loving type but in the end he was but he’s still a nasty dick no matter how much good he did for Lucas, and the whole backstory of his brother Brett. Yeah, that together with cousing Barry passing was harsh. Anyways, I ended up enjoying the many details and layers this book had, such as showing us the reality of War, how everything smelled rotten and how everything WAS rotten from the start. How empirelism is pure bullshit to get advantage and get what WE want, instead of what’s fair nor just, how it affects a country and its youth. And how I didn’t enjoy the fact that Lucas and Robin are back together, I mean girl deserves better than a lackey willing to morph like Dito at her command, seriously. NO FUCKING JOKE.

“To me, if you believe in God, you’re not obligated to have a moral code. The responsibility’s off your shoulders because you expect him to enforce morality for all. But if you believe there is no God, then you, the individual, are obligated to be moral, because no one else is going to do the job for you. And if no one’s moral, humanity and civilization collapse. So the individual must carry the responsibility to be moral on his shoulders. That’s why I can’t kill another human being. It is my responsibility to live a moral life, and to adhere to it because I can’t expect anyone else to do it for me.”
“It is said that you should never love anything that cannot love you back, (…).”
“Like most kids, deep down Lucas wanted his father’s approval.”
“How can one person know so little about his own family? Is it because such things aren’t spoken about until there’s a reason?”
“(…), less than two months ago, I was almost annoyed that after graduating high school, life suddenly felt so serious, but now I realize that life feels serious because it is serious.”

MKTLA: #6

Good evening,

So this couple of weeks I learnt a nice trick to write more fluently, specially when it comes to dialogues. However, things were still pretty slow for my characters. I mean, as I think I wrote before, I normally have a squeleton or structure of how I will construct each character, it’s like I have the bones and a few organs like the half developed brain of my manuscript, but always when I was coming with this ideas I never made the wise choice of recording my voice on dialogue ideas all until last week where between my 1st Midterm exams and the ESL classes I’m providing, it was a bit busy. I mean I think I will never be as stressed as I’m being in this upcoming week, IDK. Anyways, my dialogue recording theory worked and now that’s what I’ll do with some musical inspiration provided by some songs from the soundtrack of Netflix’s Baby (Italian tv series) as the full new Tove Lo album, and my new discovery of Echosmith. Pretty cool for some stress filled couple of weeks, huh?

So, these days I had to deal with Lottie wanting to avoid her mother more than ever (while listening to Tove Lo’s Sweettalk my Heart), she has these feelings of negation. Where her imaginary calm is only available in her own mind, as she tries to figure out why her sister is avoiding her now. I must admit I took this out of my own life, I avoided the issues that my parents gave me pretending to focus on something else, studies or friends, or just reading non-stop. Lottie doesn’t want to forgive her mother because it would mean that perhaps she is willing to condone her past actions, and that she understands her point when in reality she just wants to erase her of her mind and heart. And that’s why Sam is here, to try to keep her out of shady things, to ease her pain and provide a shoulder to rest her ache, by giving her access to her house and some mindless chat. But, Cordelia is also in the picture, she wants her daughter back. I mean, Lottie just spend the weekend out of her house just when her mom wants to actually act like a parent for once. I think it’s like a chip inside of Delia’s mind, she started to feel that shame and her pain activated all her mistakes, and now she knows she cannot erase them like nothing happened but she still can help her daughter, to give her advice and prepare her for the real world. Her world of privilegue and the awful influence the Chamberlain women have made in Lottie has made her believe she has no limits, and she’s special above everyone, besides this teen has some serious issues going on with her rejection towards family attachment that does not involve her big MIA sister. So Delia feels she must do something, however Lottie is not so ready to take it without a fight, to get her way even if it means breaking her mom’s heart in a million pieces, just as Delia did hers all those years ago with her absence.

(While writing this, I listened to Chvrches’ Miracle). There I also had to write the whole relationship between Lottie and Dillon, that went from instant sexual desire and teenage attractiveness to actual caring for one another. She sees he doesn’t judge her or patronizes her as she once believed a boyfriend would be with her, Lottie recognizes he makes her laugh and truly loves spending time with him, knowing he probably is the only male that will always be there for her in those times of greatest need and angst. She has allowed herself to cry in front of him and wants nothing than to retreat his kindness to her. Since Dillon is also interested in his past but insted of being eager to learn, he is afraid of knowing the truth but still he wants to know what happened to his mother. This is what I think of Ava Maguire, I pictured her a lot like Annalise Basso with that radiant wild red hair and the happiest smile, but with something really dark inside her mind and heart that haunts Dillon till now, to the point of blaming himself as a baby (it is indeed as ridiculous as Lottie says) for her departure, how living without her nor with any knowledge of her reasons, he feels it is his responsability that his father somehow is still pining for her ghost. Together, this pair is quite broken but their attraction and cheesy feelings for each other (that they are too nervous to confess), they could be better than those before them. I mean they are obviously falling head over heels for each other, but circunstances will not allow them to act on those feelings, at least until now that Delia interrupted them.

RLAM: #145

Hi, y’all.

So it’s the middle of the afternoon as I’m writing this/watching reruns from ‘Law and Order: SVU’, and I just realised I read like 9 books these two last weeks as I dealt with my knee being so injured and having to climb some stairs a couple of times to get to resolve my midterm exams on Research Methodology and English Translation, as  my 11 year old students didn’t memorize their number for the Talent Show so I had to make some last hour changes to help us present something for next Saturday, wish me luck. Anyways, my country has gone through some turmoil, that’s actually good for our future, our democracy and economy, so yeah; I’m in a good mood but I wished I had read more books.

First one I read was the stand-alone ‘The Haunted‘ by never stopping scary af Danielle Vega.

Hendricks has some shady past but not to deserve a piece of hell. Specially the one inhabiting her new house. She’ll come to realise that this is not some PTSD, but a real dark thing trying to kill everyone she loves as it has done for the past years over a deadly curse hunting through the lies and hurt of the town’s darkest times.

SOOO IT WAS OK.

You know how I hate insta-love when it is so convenient, your know. I mean I saw the process of Hendricks getting closer to Eddie and the fact he was a decent guy, but I wish we got to know him more before spitting the big L word right before the big end. Just as I wanted that, I also wished we had gotten perhaps Margaret’s side of the story, I mean we could have easily sacrificed her instead of her children, or find a way to send those bitches ghosts back to hell cuz she was their victim until she stopped their shit for good and I can’t blame her for it. No need to say the creativity was good, not humongous like with other previous works from Danielle Vega, the queen of horror of the 21st century as I like to refer to her, but it was worth the reading for the better character development though as with Maggie I would’ve loved to hear more about Hendricks and her sucky relationship with Grayson or more about the background characters that were left scarred for life after the house was destroyed. I just wish, this story would continue since with the right character development and backstories, it could have been a fantastic series worthy of their own tv adaptation, no doubt.
“Now everything was so different, but that didn’t mean she didn’t miss her old life. Connor got it right. It felt like losing a limb. The ache of it kept her up sometimes.”

Next I read ‘These Witches Don’t Burn‘, book 1 in the new series of the same name by Isabel Sterling.

Hannah is a witch, not a mean wicked girl in school, nor a goth nutcase. No, she’s a real witch, with a coven and powers and deadly enemies. But she’s still a teen girl, dealing with her ex-girlfriend that continues insisting that she’s not guilty for their breakup, as trying to move on with a cute ballerina with a past as twisted as her own. Oh, and she also has to deal with the fact some dick or a pretty dangerous witch is trying to scared her and risk the safety of her coven, over exposure and death.

** spoiler alert ** I TOTALLY WROTE AN ENTRY AT 3AM AND IT NEVER SAVED, SO HERE I AM TRYING TO UPLOAD A NEW ONE AGAIN SINCE GOODREADS KEPT REDIRECTING ME TO USELESS BLANK PAGES.
Anyways, what can I say? This one I got wrong, I mean I thought it would be lame for the first discovery of who did that raccoon thing, cuz well, too effing obvious to start but then the mystery kept growing and I grew even more attached to these characters and their backgrounds. I mean Hannah is a leader when it comes to overcoming her ex, as her own independence. She’s the fucking boss and I love her humanity, I mean we’re capable of everything when it comes to avenge our family or those that matter to us and no hunter would be enough to contain her spirit, with every minute that passes she grows even more on me. BTW, I loved how the whole lgbtq topic was just morphed to the plot, I love how it keeps getting more accepted and embraced with every page that goes by, as it gets humanized since Veronica was no angel and had def an aptitute I just wanted to kick out of her, I mean that girl was a whinny brat! In other news, I so knew Morgan and Evan’s secret, I mean I just knew one of them was the Hunter bitch, it was obvious but it became when he blushed the moment Han talked about Gem’s injuries, I was like “that ain’t a crush but guilt and fear of discussing the topic with your target!”. Also, I wanted to know more about the Three Sisters’ lore, because every side has their own version of history therefore I’d like to know about them Blood Witches lore too, props on Isabel Sterling for getting me interested and for the upcoming sequel, as well props to the cover designer since it was captivating, that’s truly what got me to get this book so.
“Being suspicious of everyone is exhausting.”

Third I read the disturbingly smart stand-alone, known as ‘Bunny‘ by Mona Awad.

Samantha Heather Mackey never had anything for herself since her mom died and her dad run to stay out of jail, but she’s had some hopes. She wants to be acknoledge for her writting skills in college, but They are always getting the spotlight, They and their cutesy nicknames of Bunny always get the praising from her new teacher and They look so happy to belong somewhere, to have everything she’s ever shamelessly wanted. But this year is differnt, They want her to be Bunny, They want to see what she’s made of, and They will get her.

ONE OF THE MOST CREATIVE AND PROVOKING BOOKS I’VE READ THIS YEAR. IF NOT, EVER.

I think of this as a mix between Us, Get Out and Mother, meets an essay on the author’s psyche. It’s disturbing to the point you wonder what the heck is this all about, like you don’t know what’s real anymore. It’s filled with vulnerability, an emotional side that made me understand myself through the character of Samantha, that need of approval and validation by a mysterious clique, the ache for company even for that you created only to stop feeling miserable, to avoid getting depressed and the fresh breath of air/heartbreak that is to face our own demons. Now, let’s talk spoilers, I was def not expecting those twists, props to the author even though the choice of words we’re a bit to complex to fully understand them, but apart from that they explained it all pretty well. 👏

Then I ventured through the pages of the eye opening tale of ‘When the Truth Unravels‘ by RuthAnne Snow.

Last month, Elin tried to kill herself but nobody made questions, no even her best friends, and nobody who knows of this thing knows exactly why. They kept living, trying to get her back to the world of the ‘living’ as well as dealing with their own dramas. And in their last attempt to achieve their goals, they all go together to their last prom. Soon it becomes a hunting night as Elin has runaway and again nobody knows why, but the clock is ticking and their friend might want to give them answers.

** spoiler alert ** WHEN I STARTED READING I WAS GONNA GIVE IT TWO STARS ONLY.

I must admit that there were lines in the begining and personalities that just weren’t going anywhere positive in the first 20 pages, I mean first I liked Jenna a bit cuz well, she’s a control freak as I am but then she was also this sucky friend so I totally put her in the box of annoying selfish people along with Ket, Teddy. And it took me four POV chapters of Rosie to feel even more related to her way of being, as awkward and as suspecting as her. There’s where it started to get interesting, then the whole suicids attempt by Elin got me figuring out that A she had depression or B she was bi-polar, and definitely her parents were the worst denying her reality, I mean I didn’t like Jen neither by then over her being as insensitive to her friends mental state as Ket, trying to not acknowledge the mammoth in the room. *SPOILERS* By the time of the big reveal, the whole OCD finding the almost death body of Elin, I got it. I got why she avoided her, how come she kept that secret despite her ways, why she actually is such a fucking good friend that had me crying out of being thankful. Then I cried because how related I ended up feeling to Elin, I mean I don’t have that condition but I’ve suffered from depression to the point I needed thosd pills, twice since I just couldn’t stop crying to the point I no longed knew why, I understood what it was to feel helpless and betrayed by your brain’s chemistry, to just think about death as a way out of all that inexplicable mysery, to just want everything to go back to normal so we will stop experiencing this awful feeling. I cried with Elin and felt glad she had such loyal friends with her, how it was just a matter of getting words from them, words of encouragement to help her heal and try to achieve her life back, controlling her medication and giving her emltional support. It made me realise how lucky we are to have that special friend who becomes our rock, that one we go when we feel like we’re drowning, an almost sister that helps us carrying on our path. 😊 Anyways, nice book, the writing was not hard at all to understand and while reading I felt like I was in an unboxing figuring out every character’s growth through this experience, so props to you RuthAnne, keep doing what you do. 👌👌👏

Fifth I read the YA mystery full of anxiety story known as ‘All Eyes on Us‘ by Kit Frick.

Carter Shaw is a golden boy, a cheating golden boy. Everybody knows it, his girlfriend Amanda knows it but she’s too invested in their relationship and the fact she doesn’t know any better way to get the economic stability she so desperately needs, makes her face the text message threats that are slowly venturing through her better judgement into doing what this stalker wants her to. While Carter’s other girl, is still recovering from her last conversion therapy camp and is using him as her beard, when suddenly her plan to stay with him until she turns 18 shatters as she too receives some stalking texts threatening to break her sanity worst than that religious camp.

** spoiler alert ** I NEVER THOUGHT THAT A MYSTERY BOOK COULD BE SUCH A COMING-OF-AGE.

I found a soft space in my heart that didn’t come out of sharing some aspects of myself with the main characters, it wasn’t we were alike but that somehow I became protective of their well-being, I mean these girls truly grew on me and their terrible parents help me want to be their mother. Yeah, their messed up toxic environments made me, a 23 year old university student/ESL teacher who wants no children of her own in the future, want to care for them cuz I’m sure I would have done a better job than their shitty parents, there’s no denying that. So let’s start with the sketchy situation: their relationship with the dickhead that will forever be known as Carter the slut Shaw, no kidding I hate that patronizing psycho bitch. I mean like a 69% of my notes were about how much of a piece of shit he was and how better the world would be with a dick less to screw girls’ hearts. In other news, I’d heard about conversion ‘therapy’, I knew it would be messed up so I was reluctant to venture myself to that isolated and just miserable state when I was emotional myself, but I guess I grew some courage and went on reading those flashbacks while the anxiety became a huge blob in my heart and mind just crying about how empty one must feel being there, I wanted to shake the fanatism away from Rosalie’s parents so badly so they could see their valuable daughter, see how precious she was since after all that disgusting and cruel things they made her go through she still believed in God and loved them both, they were lucky she never reported that shit as torture. Anyways, I’m happy that even after all that shit, they got to be exactly were they can be truly happy. Now, about the whole who the fuck Private is… Carter was between my crazy theories, I was like what if that dick is doing it all himself? The thought cross my mind but I never gave it more importance, my guesses were obvi Ben or Adele (who the f screws your bff’s break ex?!), I also considered Pau (sorry, girl) and her brother, until David came on and I was like please, not him, he’s hot and could have something with Amanda don’t turn him into a creepy stalker. And it wasn’t him. It was bitch abusive Carter all along trying to be a dick like always, I would have shot him no matter what, no joke. He had it coming.
In other news, the writting was good and the topic was well-handled, I enjoyed its pace and the whole emotional state it left me. PROPS TO KIT.
Ps: Amanda’s mom made me remember Jillian from VC Andrews’ Web of Lies, those ungodly women had my wrath on point.

Later I went by the creative tale of ‘The Apocalypse of Elena Mendoza‘ by Shaun David Hutchinson.

Elena Mendoza was always the odd one out, ever since birth. She was considered a miracle child, having been born out of an inmaculate conception, yeah that exists. And having the ability, or curse to hear the voices of certain innanimate objects like the Starbucks mermaid who keeps telling her to save others since the end of the world is coming, she never believed them up until her crush got shot in front of her and Elena literally healed her wounds as the shooter was abducted by a light coming from heaven… Now she’s starting to consider what the mermaid told her, could it be real or maybe she’s just mental?

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD’VE LIKED IT THIS MUCH.

Elena Mendoza turned out to be one of those characters that feels like me, the awkward sarcasm, the hopeless yet coward crushes and the belief I know it all but actually know shit less than everyone else, besides the unability of making choices on my own without having anyone to blame later if they go wrong. I got a reflection that stick with me from her, that everyone deserved to make their choices and that could ruin us or save us, however those choices were still our right, therefore we should use them to stop blaming others for our own shit or blessings. IDK, but I liked that, I think it might have changed a little the way I normally handle things on my own. Anyways, good writting, I laughed and it was one of the most creative storylines I’ve read in a long time, so props to Shaun right there. For moments, I felt like I was reading a living entertaining non-stop TED TALK or perhaps some reality check by Dr. Drew, that made me reconsider many things, it mostly blew my mind. While I’d also like to share my shipping feelings towards Elena and Fadil, I mean they could have made a great couple, it’s one of those OTPs you say are cannon but would never happen irl, so yeah I got that vibe from them, idk. Anyways, good read, no complains, i’d even recommend it.
Here are some of my fav quotes:
“Everyone reacts differently to extreme situations. (…) I reacted by turning into a sarcastic robot. I felt flat and emotionless. Like everything had happened to some other version of me and the event was a movie I’d watched, instead of my life.”
“That’s how crushes work. They’re not based in reality. If they were, we wouldn’t call them crushes because we wouldn’t wind up crushed by the inevitable truth of the person.”
“I didn’t know many things for certain, which bothered the hell out of me. I liked certainty.”
“(…) the dead never truly die.”
“Our free will and ability to choose is ultimately what makes us the dumbest intelligent species on the planet.”

Seventh I read ‘Wildcard‘ by Marie Lu, book 2 in the Warcross duology.

After discovering the truth, nothing can remain the same. Emika doesn’t trust herself with Hideo, and now Zero is demanding her to work with him to stop him… Oh, and there’s the little detail that Zero is the long lost brother of Hideo, who doesn’t seem to have any linking feeling towards the game maker. But if Emika thought this was the last mystery she unvoluntarily solved… Well, perhaps she should reconsider, as she becomes a walking target for her foes.

** spoiler alert ** I ACTUALLY DIDN’T EXPECT TO LIKE IT THAT MUCH.

I mean I know that everything Marie Lu touches turns into gold but still, I mean I wasn’t getting much from Warcross, the whole interest of Emika in Hideo. I wasn’t interested, he seemed to plain for me, but whateves; and oh the entire logic of the game and process, IDK but I needed a little more slow explanation of it. Maybe I was slow myself, but those were my complaints, however, I managed to get this one better somehow, despite forgetting how these characters looked (the Phoenix team, our crew). I was inmediately interested in the whol Zero plot, his thinking and what the hell happened to Sazuke to turn him into Zero. There’s no need for me to explain my shock when we discoverd the whole truth about this one, and I found myself in need of a novella (or another book) based on the path of Zero and the silver-hair girl (I just read it and can’t remember her name!), I mean I just need it. Please, Marie Lu? Pretty please. Anyways, the plot was great, I wanted to finish it to find out how things could get ok to make things right in the end, btw I like Tremaine and Roshan, I mean they’re cute af. I still do not support the thing of Emika with Hideo, I don’t like him, I think he’s pretty fucking toxic and hideous. Don’t blame me for not liking him, he ain’t no Day, he might have a big brain but not enough for me to be interested in him that way. Emika, gurl, you can do better than Mr. Control freak. Sorry not sorry.

After that I navigated through the honest sea of ‘Hold Still‘ by Nina LaCour.

Caitlin doesn’t know why Ingrid did it, she never noticed her being sad or bullied, and all she knows is that her best friend is gone for good. Now she’ll have to relieve Ingrid’s journey through adolescence via her diary, to try to figure out what triggered her and perhaps get a way out of this depressive state to allow herself to move on, to keep living.

SO WOW, THAT WAS SURPRISING.

I’ll admit that when I started reading I wasn’t on it, IDK, I was half afraid I was gonna discover some serious depressing things that I was frankly not in the mood for, also I know that first parts are supposed to represent her utter depression but I was just bored, I know that’s not a deep thought but I was like not getting any hint of personality from her, and I know that was the point so I’m pointing out my initial thoughts. Then I gave it a lasting go. I made no mistake choosing this little coming-of-age. We experienced what is like to loose a friend when one just knows nothing that could be wrong with that person, I mean friends are supposed to know it all about their bffs, even their inner pains, specially those. So once it happens guilt hits us hard and depression is right around the corner. I also felt that Caitlin was so relatable, she found out that even though she’s never gonna forget about her bff, she’s allowed to live and enjoy herlself, her future and that nobody is the guilty one in situations like this one. Nice writing Nina, nicely done.

”Even though we wanted to go, we just couldn’t bring ourselves to walk into Henry’s house, see everyone already talking to people, already settled and gathered into little exclusive groups, and watch them look up at us and wonder why we were there.”
“As a teacher, you dream of finding the perfect student, the most promising student. (…) It’s partially selfish, really. We, as teachers, like to think that we play an integral role in our students’ development. We dream of being the one teacher that people remember all their lives, the one who inspired them to achieve great things.”
“I am sad. I am sad all the time and the sadness is so heavy that I can’t get away from it. Not ever. There used to be days that I thought I was okay, or at least that I was going to be. We’d be hanging out somewhere and everything would just fit right and I would think ‘it will be okay if it can just be like this forever’ but of course nothing can ever stay just how it is forever.”
“’Life is shit,’ he tells me. I not. ‘Maybe.’ (…) ‘But not all the time,’ I say. ‘I don’t think all the time.’”

And, finally, I read a life-changing novel known ‘Words on Bathroom Walls‘ by Julia Walton.

Adam has schizophrenia and he surely knows what’s happening in his brain, when out of nowhere he sees people that aren’t there or hears some bullying voices telling him what a waste of spece he is, so he’s a regular teen suffering a mental illness and dealing with it through his sharp sarcastic mind. After a breakdown where not only was he exposed but also lost his best friend, his stepfather has found him a new school and a new beta treatment, while his mom suggested him to sea a therapist. Now he’ll meet people who’ll make him want to stay an average person, to begin questioning himself and try to hold on to pills, only to not loose those attachements he never believed he could develop again.

I SO THOUGHT I WAS GONNA FINISH THIS LATER IN THE AFTERNOON BUT WOW.

This story was so honest, funny and to a point painful. I mean I must admit that I used to be one of those people scared of those suffering of this illness, I mean I had no idea how this even worked but still I was only afraid and not even caring. But now I’m glad I got to know more, to know what is this and how people dealing with this actually are, they are like the rest of us, they’re human but they have it worse than our regular problems. They can see and hear things, and can’t help their actions and that made me incredibly sad to the point of tears, because this still had no cure nor a reliable treatment for all pacients so yeah, it was sad and just gave me a whole new perspective. These are people, not cases, they breath and laugh and watch TV.
But talking seriously about the book itself, it was so well-written I mean I seriously ventured through his mind towards those little letters and e-mails, and I was glad Julia Watson stated that he had this super good memory so he could actually remember all that he had heard and said to complement the entries. I also feel like the whole topic of parents was adressed in an honest way, how we get awfully scarred when they say something that sticks with us in a really painful way that makes us question everything we are to the point of not trusting them, but also how one simple word can fix it to the point of tears making us believe in the good things inside of us for once. It’s the power of being a parent that truly captivated me too about this novel.

“When you love somebody, you try to be better.”
“I like feeding people. It’s an easy way to make them happy, and I get a rush from the instant gratification.”
“Arguing with stupid people, knowing that you’re right, but then they say something condescending that basically means, Okay, I’m going to go because you don’t seem to understand what I’m saying, when really you do understand-you just know that they’re wrong. (…) You don’t need to concede their point. There is no point. You should be allowed to slap them because clearly they are too stupid to live.”
“It never made sense to me to worry about what happened to someone else unless I could help in some way.”
“You lose your secrets when you let people get too close. (…) It’s hard to let someone find you in all the dark and twisty places inside, (…)”
“(…) it sucks to disappoint your parents. There’s nothing more gut-wrenching than looking into their eyes and seeing that you’re not what they expected.”
“The thing about being smart is that you don’t actually need to remind people you’re smart every five seconds. It makes people want to kill you.”
“She doesn’t like people, and she definitely doesn’t like dealing with their problems on a human level.”
“(…) being old does not make you a good person. Old age is not, in itself, an admirable quality. Sometime it just means you haven’t had the sense to let anything kill you.”
“They contradict each other, like everything else in life, I guess. You’ll hear one thing that gives you hope and another thing that takes it away.”
“(…) being a parent means becoming what your children need most.”
“It’s funny how quickly you can love a person.”

Music Killed the Lazy Author #5

Hi, y’all.

This week I’ve dealt with much, from my own depression and anxiety to my little writer’s block during the first weeks of my new university cycle with classmates I don’t know, while thinking that somehow I’ve done something to annoy my bff (I hadn’t, that was me overreacting). As I watched the Emmys and the season premiere of AHS: 1984, I totally forgot to upload this, besides I was also venturing through a new Jonerys fanfic that just kept me going nonstop when I should have been finishing a book, in other words I’ve been quite busy.

But I had to deal with a few storylines like a rough heart-to-heart between Lottie and her mother. It finally happened and the emotions were flying, tears and screaming, and anger mixed with some sort of shame. I mean I got all that anger, coming from my own experiences with my mother… Not that she hid some secrets but her lack of caring/loving my sister is what fired my wrath towards her, the neglect and just plain making her feel unworthy of her love is what helped me write that hatred. I wanted to make it rain but somehow I thought it would be too dramatic for this already over the top moment, between them Chamberlain women, mother and daughter. While writing I got both sides, I mean the fact Lottie already looked down on her mother for never dealing with her daughter like a proper mom, but now finding out she was that “selfish” thinking only in her pain but in the broken home she was creating, how she not only “destroyed herself” but her children as well. Lottie cannot fit in her mind what depression does to a person, cuz letting down her beloved sister would mean the end of the world for her, so it’s something she just can’t conceive. While Delia now has to address the darkest moments of her life as a young adult, how her world crumbled with the visit of a cop, how she became a widowed single mother at such a young age that anyone would (emotionally) shattered. I understand her side of the story as I dealt with depression as I previously written in other entries, so I totally get what’s like to not physically able to care for others the way it happened before, not because of your lack of caring but because it was impossible. How regretful she feels, because now she can’t do much more than trying to earn Lottie’s trust… Something that perhaps she never had, she already feels she lost Leah a long time ago so she doesn’t put that much effort there, though she wished she could go back and that’s her greatest shame. It’s a messy situation with them both, I wanted to translate how one act can drive us to not look at our parents the same way, not only the lack of respect it handles but also the fact that single act remains with us making it hard to trust in others. (‘How could you leave us’ by NF, helped a lot to be in that ‘blaming the parent’ state of mind)

While with Lottie, it has been quite the opposite since that’s helped her find some shelter in Dillon who now is not only a warm body to have sex with who’s also entertaining but a good person, a good friend who makes her feel no so damaged. I mean the moment people started saying how perfect her dad was, she inmediately thought she would be a shame for him. She, for a moment, saw herself the way every judgy individual she’s ever encounter looked at her, like she was nothing more than nice looks and sexual fun. But this is not that just suddenly went into her mind, she has been hearing this for a long time and to a point has believed it a bit, she never cared because somehow that wasn’t as twisted as what her female relatives (minus Leah) always did, and now she knows her father just plain didn’t like that side of the family, therefore she doesn’t see herself as a fit offspring for such a golden man. She’s not hardworking, she’s manipulative and quite flagrant at such a young age, she thinks that her glorious father would slutshame her like everyone else; but comparing her pain because of her parents to the grieve that Dillon has kept hidden about his own mother helps them both maybe not heal but understand they are not alone in their own drama but actually experiencing, or allowing themselves to experience their teenage years to the fullest, not everything has to be passionate or controlling, it can be painful too. Which is something I’ve always wanted, to have someone to share my issues with, at least one who’s willing to listen and who’s not psychologist. (I listened to a lot of Tove Lo‘s nice loving songs, like the recently released ‘Sweettalk my Heart’)

Which is what leads Lottie to change course of her extracurriculars, she never realised how she never took anything serious when she moved schools. When she got in the cheer team, she never saw it fitting her wishes entirely, obvi she could look hot while jumping in a short skirt but never felt right nor important. While whithin the volleyball team, she’s allowing herself to struggle to be enough for that team, she actually wants to belong to the team and acknowledges it as something worthy of her endeavor. I know what’s like to only be in something to feel you’re doing something with your time and make people look at you with respect, but actually not feeling like it’s your calling and I’m giving Lottie the chance I don’t have to change her perspective.

I also took that moment to include a character that will be minor but will make an impact in this story’s drama department. Little Violeta will cuz some troubles with her stupid moves of jelousy and plain fakeness, I imagine her as this girl who has already made a draft of her perfect high school experience just like her sister had before, she wants popularity but to be viewed as this nice prude girl that everyone HAS to adore but she’s not making a great effort on actually caring for others, since somehow everything wrong has to be somebody else’s fault. She sees herself as an overachiever who is not getting what she deserves because of someone who doesn’t battles like her to get what she expected to win. Her nemesis has become Lottie, at least in her mind. This girl sees her as a slutty lazy brat whose popularity and money could give her what she deserves but who has chosen to be as wicked as the others who don’t like her, even though Lottie doesn’t see or values that girl enough to care about her life. For V is a huge deal, while for Lottie is just an annoying insignificant child with a greatness complex. (All those volleyball scenes were totally done while listening to ‘You don’t wanna play with us’ by TheUnder x Robyn The Bank)

I also wanted to finally address the whole Sam&Hennie deal between Lottie and Sam once and for all. So I made it go as naturally as possible for these two bffs, I knew she wouldn’t react with anger towards her friend sleeping with her stepbrother, their relationship has never been like that and she’s willing to listen to Sam’s issues, her alleged “self-serving” is a cry for help. Lottie knows that it will eventually hurt Hendrick to be brokenhearted by his forever crush, but cares also about Sam enough to give her advice and be ready to care for them both when this thing between them finally ends. However, it’s still somehow taboo since she wants to hear nothing of that sexual part involving her little stepbrother; which is somehow the way I would react to the same thing afte meditating it for a bit, so creepy but it would be their thing, not my bussiness I guess. I wanted to reflect Lottie’s genuine care for her best friend who’s not an accesory but a really important part of her life and confidence. Like Lottie wouldn’t feel that loving connection with other people if not for Leah and Sam, who made her feel loved and cherished when her mother wouldn’t and other little girls doubted her kindness or value as a possible friend. I based that in my own experience with my bff, I was Sam dealing with my inner issues and my best friend helped me see I’ll always count on her and she’ll never forget about me. (I think that somehow I ventured in what Sam was potraying to Lottie, through ‘Consequences’ by Camila Cabello)

(The author leaves to cry a bit.)

RLAM: #144

Good morning, peeps.

So it’s about to be 2am and I’m awake writting this post since I know tomorrow I must dedicate myself to reading a new book, and perhaps also helping my 11-year-old brother to do some homework, and maybe keep doing my research on my Tesina (the baby thesis). So, yeah, this week I manage to read twelve books, yeah, I took advantage of my last free week since I’ve already started a new cycle at University which had me going through emotions that got handled via Netflix’s Elite S. 2, Derry Girls S. 1 and 2, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Pt. 2 and the expectation I feel for the new season of AHS about to come out. So, yeah, here they are: the lovely bunch.

First I read Bad Girls with Perfect Faces by Lynn Weingarten.

Sasha has waited patiently for her turn, she has been there for Xavier no matter how many times he let his heart be broken again by his eternal ex, she was a shoulder to cry on and a bff to neglect. But she did never let that define her, she’s confident but in love with a blind hot dummy. And just as she was ready to tell him about her feelings, there he goes again going back to that messy cheat like a pup. Sasha has had it, and this time she will prove for the last time that Ivy is not worthy by catfishing her into cheating AGAIN. Let’s hope Xavier is awake to face reality and accept her good intentions…

** spoiler alert ** DAMN, I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT.

So I’m giving this one 4.5 stars since I actually enjoyed it, however it wasn’t perfect. It lacked that kind of closure, idk, there was something missing. Though, I won’t deny how fantastically sketchy all these theories of who killed the bitch were, I mean I was not expecting that neither that fucked-up agreement in the end, I mean I knew there was no way out of this madness without some terrible unforgettable lies but still. In other news, this Xavier guy was so lame, I mean I get that oh he’s an emotional guy that loves love but dude, he was too much to fucking handle! I mean Sasha deserved better than that indecisive amorous mess he was, I mean he actually needed counseling coming not only from a psychologist but by his friends too, he needed to real though love. And dude, Ivy was reminding of Fanny Casteel, she was so trashy, not sexually liberated or a free-will lover, she was just mean mean trashy, ugh. And I must admit that I was attracted by psycho Gwen, I mean she was a complex interesting character that I wouldn’t mind get her pov quite more often, I mean if there were a novella of her background and future I wouldn’t mind reading her mentally unstable memoirs. 😬

Next book I read was This Lie Will Kill You by Chelsea Pitcher.

A group of teens is set up to discover a truth out of their own web of lies. Last year they screwed someone up badly, but only one of them fucked that innocent so bad it ended up as a burned corpse. All of them are to blame and all of them must confess into their actions or it will be too late and their worst fears will takeover for good like they did to others before.

** spoiler alert ** IT MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THE BEST BOOK EVER, BUT IT WAS WORTH READING.

Before reading I did read a couple reviews, no-spoilery ones but still I mean my expectations were low, then I came to remember that many times it has happened that I end up loving those bullied books nobody seems to bare. I definitely didn’t love it, since the story and characters had their flaws, and even though I really enjoyed that little love story involving Shane and Ruby however it was too meant to be, you know, too fairy tale-like, too precious to be realistic just like her first encounter with Parker, I mean it looked like something of a telenovela or something that anti-climactic. Then there was the fact the killer was too fucking obvious, though I wasn’t expecting that Ruby twist. I still hate loathe despise want to murder slowly fucking Parker, I feel bad for dumb Brett and I couldn’t care less about Gavin and Juniper. There I said it.

Third one was Watch You Burn by Amanda Searcy.

Jenny is one of those people who just want to watch the world burn. Or a city burn, or a house, or even a single match. A flame will give her peace for a thousand days, but now she has gone too far right when she was ready to start over with her dad in a new town. Her old ways weren’t controlled but easily hidden and now there’s a dead body on the loose and everything is pointing her as the guilty one.

** spoiler alert ** IT MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THE BEST BOOK EVER, BUT IT WAS WORTH READING.

Before reading I did read a couple reviews, no-spoilery ones but still I mean my expectations were low, then I came to remember that many times it has happened that I end up loving those bullied books nobody seems to bare. I definitely didn’t love it, since the story and characters had their flaws, and even though I really enjoyed that little love story involving Shane and Ruby however it was too meant to be, you know, too fairy tale-like, too precious to be realistic just like her first encounter with Parker, I mean it looked like something of a telenovela or something that anti-climactic. Then there was the fact the killer was too fucking obvious, though I wasn’t expecting that Ruby twist. I still hate loathe despise want to murder slowly fucking Parker, I feel bad for dumb Brett and I couldn’t care less about Gavin and Juniper. There I said it.

Then I read How to Hang a Witch by Adriana Mather, the first one in the duology of the same name.

Samantha Mather never knew she had a connection to Salem before she moved to her grandma’s house when her father stays in a coma. She knew her ancestor was to blame for some of the witch trials but she wasn’t aware people cared about it that much, specially in her new school where the descendants of the powerful dead witches rule the school and are ready to not only ostracise her but end her line for good.

** spoiler alert ** IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I’VE READ GREAT YA, I MEAN IT. THIS IS IT!

Venturing to this, again I didn’t remember its premise and I was blindsighted to first reading, then I read the protagonist was sarcastic in the first line of it and I was inmediately on board, I mean I needed to experience that. After that it was a full ride, filled with its ups and downs like any other book, but with the uniqueness of YA meets supernatural elements. I mean it’s like one was transported to this place unharmed by logic that totally buys this whole witches thing, I mean their popular girls are totally in line to become the Next Supreme because of their wardrobe choices and their whole bitch self. I wanted to know them, and for moments I was like our Samantha must be a witch, to make sense all this curse thing. Then I was all for loving the ghost, I mean I’ve seen worst love interests, so no problem right there, he was nice and went to Europe to shop some groceries for their floor picnic, tell me if that’s not meaningful! Anyways, when it came to finding out who this big bad guy was, my money was always on Vivian, I mean pretty obvious cuz she was just your regular wicked stepmother, manhandling her stepdaughter and getting cosy with other men while her husband was in a coma; then I started suspecting Mrs. Merryweather, I mean that merry woman was too nice, too kindhearted and she knew her way on potion making, she knew Elijah’s name, that was unsettling but then it wasn’t her so… yeah, it would have been a meaner villain but I take Vivian since she actually came to care for Sam and her last words humanize her, making her more interesting and such a complex character. Can’t wait to get my hands on the next one.

Fifth one I read was Girl, interrupted by Susanna Kaysen.

Right in the 60s, Susanna narrates us how her young life became something else the moment she was coerced to get herself into an asylum for the mentally unstable. She’ll see the good in sharing adventures and laughs with friends like her, and she’ll also see how she might have been nuts but not entirely, not like some creatures luring in their minds like monsters to their own selves.

** spoiler alert ** IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I’VE READ GREAT YA, I MEAN IT. THIS IS IT!

Venturing to this, again I didn’t remember its premise and I was blindsighted to first reading, then I read the protagonist was sarcastic in the first line of it and I was inmediately on board, I mean I needed to experience that. After that it was a full ride, filled with its ups and downs like any other book, but with the uniqueness of YA meets supernatural elements. I mean it’s like one was transported to this place unharmed by logic that totally buys this whole witches thing, I mean their popular girls are totally in line to become the Next Supreme because of their wardrobe choices and their whole bitch self. I wanted to know them, and for moments I was like our Samantha must be a witch, to make sense all this curse thing. Then I was all for loving the ghost, I mean I’ve seen worst love interests, so no problem right there, he was nice and went to Europe to shop some groceries for their floor picnic, tell me if that’s not meaningful! Anyways, when it came to finding out who this big bad guy was, my money was always on Vivian, I mean pretty obvious cuz she was just your regular wicked stepmother, manhandling her stepdaughter and getting cosy with other men while her husband was in a coma; then I started suspecting Mrs. Merryweather, I mean that merry woman was too nice, too kindhearted and she knew her way on potion making, she knew Elijah’s name, that was unsettling but then it wasn’t her so… yeah, it would have been a meaner villain but I take Vivian since she actually came to care for Sam and her last words humanize her, making her more interesting and such a complex character. Can’t wait to get my hands on the next one.

Seventh book I read was Romanov by Nadine Brandes.

Anastasia is no longer a Royal Duchess of Russia, her family is no longer safe from dead, her brother is getting weaker by the second, her sisters are becoming too comfortable with their state of hostages, and the clock is ticking. She knows they’ll be killed unless she manages to open a magic doll that’s destined to protect the Romanov bloodline from any harm. But will it be too late once their captors get bored of hosting them?

WELL, WOW. NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO SAY THIS WASN’T FANTASTIC, CUZ I WAS!

Damn, where do I start? How marvellousl written this was, I mean one could simply emphatized with the Romanov, one could feel like them Bolsheviks, trying to cope with the fact they were gonna perish, I mean those parts when July was getting closer and one just couldn’t do much than just stare at their ignorance met with acceptance, of their fates. And the traumatic event itself made me even more aware of the inmense brutality of their deaths, I mean I never once watched Anastasia so I only had little historical background we all have, I knew about that terrible basement but still it was hard to watch. The heartache, and deshumanization that this Anastasia felt was undeniable. The pain was real, I mean my first tear was for Maria’s broken heart and that was only the beginning, then came the ache of Zash “betrayal”, then was obvi the justifiable despair Nastya felt over having to choose the right thing to do (what her papa would have wanted). I liked those moments alone, cuz it gave the book a human relatable factor instead of just having the magic to marvel us away, pretty correct way of making me keep reading; props for that.
“The more starved we were of kindness, the more we clung to any crumb of it.”
“Those who cannot laugh cannot properly live.”
“A kind word turns away wrath.”
Those words will remain within me.

After that I read The Diary of a Teenage Girl: An Account in Words and Pictures by Phoebe Gloeckner.

Minnie nerve thought herself as an attractive young girl, but her life instantly changes the moment she decides to screw her mother’s boyfriend. It’s the 70s, the sexual liberation is in the air, and being a 15 year old is not a excuse to not make terrible, raw and just terrifyingly unforgettable mistakes.

ONCE YOU KNOW ITS RAW, THAT BECOMES UNIMPORTANT.

I’ve seen many comments, not giving a fuck about the story but the profanity, use of nudity and depiction of sexual/substance abuse; and I’m glad I’m not part of that bunch. I was well aware of its content so I wasn’t looking for the provocative comics, but for the title itself, the story of a young girl in the 70s, a girl with urges, depression, all over the place emotions, drugs, naivety and such a lonely heart trying to feel loved and safe. With Minnie’s story we weren’t sugar coated but we saw person after person taking advantage of her need of belonging, of her need to feel complete, of her adolescent been. We saw how any girl in that environment could take bad decisions with bad guidance, from a mother who never gave a damn, from a former stepfather who lied to shelter himself from his ugliness, from her mom’s boyfriend who only used her never sheltering her from his ugliness, from equally naive friends, from older figures that were supposed to look after her wellbeing, from authorities who kept blaming her as she was not a child still, from the times she lived in. We saw how she had to get herself out and see it as it was, that she had to be in charge of her wellbeing and detox her demons and questions, to see that she was better, that behind the lies there’s some truth, that she was better than all of them. It left me with that feeling, that even after all the blows life throws at you, while you expect some salvation, a hero to rescue you from a loveless existence, you’re given what you asked: a hero in the shape of yourself to finally get the love you need, the love for yourself. At least, that’s how I saw it, from more than just a tainted window with morbidity for nakedness, I saw a girl like any other who finally felt loved

The nineth book I read was The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw.

Penny Talbot has lived in Sparrow her entire life, her mom did the same and all them generations before. She knows there’s something more than just a couple witch trials in the town’s memory but the non.stop revenge three sister swore they would get every summer for their unfair murders. Now, when Penny gets too close with a tourist guy looking for a job in her house, she knows she might enter in a heartache that will never end, just like when… well, her father vanished.

** spoiler alert ** INTERESTING, ETHEREAL KIND OF SOOTHING ROMANCE.

I’m quite torn on this, I mean it was a good read, nobody can deny that. Beautifully written, well structured with expected yet unbelievable twists and turns. An unreliable surreal narrator and supernatural forces working for murder in an almost fantastic land in the middle of the Pacific. Pretty good, but I had an issue that has me annoyed, about poor little old Penny. I mean that poot girl was forced to kill her father and now doesn’t remember, was forced to have sex with Bo, and kill boys to satisfy the hunger of selfish Hazel. That girl was not consenting… That’s disturbing next to the fact Bo still loves the greedy ghost who hasn’t gone back to Owen cuz she suddenly “belongs there”, I’m not OK with that. Penny deserves better, she, her mom and dad, even Rose and easy Bo deserve better than still be a pawn in Hazel’s game. I’m still bitter about it. 😒

Later I read See All the Stars by Kit Frick.

There used to be four girls. Four popular lovely girls, handled by their leader like Charles Manson did with his Family. Then there were three, since one of them got a boyfriend. Now they are no longer one, and Ellory just wants to move on, forget the pain and keep going with the futur we wanted for herself before all the madness took over her mind and her heart. But it won’t be easy, because constant reminders keep appearing in the shape of notes hidden inside her locker telling her the truth over and over again.

STARTING TO READ THIS, I GENUINELY THOUGHT I WOULD GIVE IT THREE TO FOUR STARS.

I totally knew what was this secrecy thing, I mean the moment it was compared to We Were Liars, you know the wicked bitch in the west was gone for good and a product of Ellory’s psyche, I even figured out easilg that the bitch was betraying her hard on that twisted affair (which was so like Dangerous Girls😲) so I had it all figures out but the actual act of that day where the passing took place, I needed to know was the bitch murdered or what the fuck happened so I kept reading. I mean if even you figured everything important out, and you keep reading that must mean the story is damn good as the writing style (props to Kit, whom I thought was a guy but now I know is a woman 😜), I mean I was so into cuz even though I sided with the more visceral and raw sense of betrayal/justifiable anger side of Ellory, not so much on the I forgive you but I came to get it😒… Somehow, I mean the bitch was dead in a minute and it wasn’t a murder but still, it was not your fault but now she’s gone and she did got you away from that cowardly dog (sorry for the analogy ‘Courage’ 🐶) so there’s that but there’s also the betrayal and ache, and we have the whole move on arch too therefore it’s quite complicated but I was glad Kit gave her a new spin in that three months later part, she wasn’t defined by the ridiculous expiratory emails nor the guilt nor her depression, she actually did moved on for herself and her precious art. Sidenote: Ellory has become part of an elite group know as “The characters I want to shelter at all cost”. 😊

The eleventh book I read was Emergency Contact by Mary H. K. Choi.

Penny wanted to scape her mom, her life, her bad memories and her obsolete town. Now she’s in New York going to College, ready to become an author and just live in her new favorite place. Sam is stuck, but is ok with it, he’s paying his own tuition to become a documentary director while working full-time on a coffee shop for almost free plus getting some stable accomodation, of course. He just wants to move on when all his life comes to a point of extreme stress and is forced to accept an Emergency Contact, who happens to be a new young girl with a quirky personality and a friendly face.

** spoiler alert ** I FUCKING LOVED IT!

I just finished reading and all I have to say is how incredible it turned out to be, I mean I thought it would be a ridiculous little contemporary, nothing out of the ordinary of boy meets girl and they become friends and slowly something more. But I was so wrong, I mean it did had that but the emotional aspect, each of them had shit thrown into their lives and it was so fucking relatable I’m about to cry. I mean I felt so represented when it came to darling Penny, she was so quirky and just plain me when it comes to being too prepared to die when you’re no dying at all. Yeah, I’m that girl. She’s part of my list of characters to protect, damn that backstory that explained the lack of trust he held towards her mom, it’s understandable and I’m happy they have managed to get ok. In other news, even though Sam was the dream guy of every millenial (kinda what every girl wants *cliché*), he was more than just that, I mean the guy had doubts about his own appearance and his own worth for his fucking mom and that every adult he’d come accross as a young guy had given his dreams the finger. But he found a safe nest when it came to protective momma bear type Penny, and she’s relaxed and just sweer when she’s with him. So fucking cute; besides the characters (all of them) were lovely constructed I mean I can surely imagine those people as real, not ulterior motive kinda of people, you know. And the writing was so easy-going, I loved it! I hope I get to read more about this author, if she has Penny’s Korean couple story there I’d be granted to read it, really interesting takeout.
Here are some quotes, I enjoyed or that stayed whithin my heart for a while:
“Pathetic outcasts had standards too.”
“At least there was coffee. Reliable, delicious, life-giving coffee.”
“(…), she felt as if saying makeup names out loud set women’s rights back several decades.”
“Penny despised the world ‘adorable’. It was trivializing.”
“She was Instagram famous in the way that some girls just are. As if they were designed to indiscriminately detonate insecurities in other women.”
“(…) she felt destined to make something that made someone else feel how she did when she read it.”
“That night Penny read Maus twice and cried. She knew then that she had to become a writer.”
“What separated Penny from Amber was that anybody could smell Amber’s desperation. To Penny that was far more pathetic than simply being invisible. Penny would stop trying. Instead she’d spend time preparing for her future, living in books until the exciting part of her life would begin.”
“A female protagonist made the stories more inspiring than voyeouristic. It was so much fun to write about who you could be.”
“A character that scares you is worth exploring.”
“Hell really was other people.”
“It’s never too late for Pringles”
“Writers are sensitive”
“She hadn’t known he wore glasses and Penny was crazy about glasses as a thing. They were so much better than contacts. Why touch your own eyeballs when you could accessorize your face?”
“Hiding was not a coping mechanism. It was delusional.”
“Loving someone was traumatizing. You never knew what would happen to them out there in the world. Everything precious was also vulnerable.”
“To be the hero, you had to decide it was you”
“’Everything doesn’t have to be a crisis, Penny,’ he said.”

Then there was The Truth Behind the Lies by Amanda Searcy.

Kayla and Betsy are in a mess. Kayla jugles her job with her unstable newly sober mother and the fact that if her mother hadn’t gain her rights over her daughter back, Kayla could still pretend she had a family with her foster mom, she could have been happy and with a bright future but now she just wants to be over with it. Betsy needs to forget and do her duty, startover in a new state with her giggly mother and her dark toned aptitute as she struggles with the memories of a twisted past mistake.

DAMN, ALL I CAN SAY IS DAMN!.

So in the beginning I wasn’t sure and actually didn’t remember why I had picked this book, I could recall the synopsis nor its genre, I mean I was clueless reading this kinda mysterious yet dull dual POV thing until I figure out pretty fucking quickly that both these girls were the same person and that one was the past and other the present, I mean I was thinking that obvi Jordan was the killer she found out and now he’s stalking her so she had to runaway with Marie, but no turns out Jordan was messed up and the FBI too, and Elton, and she had to vanish with her actual mom. But the moments that finally had me sick to my stomach and truly afraid were that in which the FBI were sons of bitches, sick fucking bastards towards a seventeen year old girl, I mean how much of a shithead can you be threatening a teen?! And also, the whole Jordan being with the Koi, an a bit Yakuza, I mean I was like I’m off, that shit’s just crazy terrifying, those are nightmare inducing criminal bands I mean god! So… Yeah, I enjoyed reading it and now I feel completely safe, I mean I love when an author manages to transport the reader into the protagonist’s state of mind into their depression, seclusion, paranoia and heartbreak, I mean one is left speechless I mean look at me at almost four am finishing this. Goals.

Finally I read The Merciless by Danielle Vega, the first one in the series of the same name.

Sofia just wanted a fresh start after being bullied to her worst state, so when popular girls offer her a friendly hand of love and Christian kindness, she takes it without questions. Soon she’ll come to realise these girls aren’t simple pretty preppy Jesus freaks but could turn her into a murderer if she follows their advices and lies. Will she be able to tell wrong from good or perhaps it’s just too late for her?

DAAAAMNN!!!

So, Danielle Vega always manages to screw with my mind, my fears and my fucking nerves when it comes to this crazy stories, I mean she’s good at what she does, the creativeness is 100% worthy, however I do have one complain: What the hell with Sofie trusting them strangers so easily, I mean I was a teen once, so I know what’s to be impressionable by popular girls and their fantasy perfect world, right? But there’s a thick line between luck and plain fucked up baptism, I mean as soon as she got that I thought she was gonna call them freaks and run the hell away from them sick girls. Seriously, but she still went along a didn’t discuss how messed up their nature was, she’s just too damn dumb or what? When it came to other things, like the gore nature, the twist, the murder and supernatural aspects, I was pleased I mean it was definetely no the Exorcist meets Mean Girls, but the fucking Evil Dead meets Jawbreaker, no joke. Now I’ll go have some nightmares, thanks a lot Danielle, you always manage to ruin my good night sleep with your creepy writting.

Music Killed the Lazy Author #4

Hi, peps.

I was so having the writers block until I stopped caring for formalities like giving it structure, and more for being spontaneous and giving it a soul, a realistic not too stuck up soul within my words. So yeah, I’ve been through that but I think I’m getting better since now I have my dad’s laptop til the end of my University cycle in December, he lend it to me but still I’m so relieved I was able to put my words into something more than just my Smartphone which came to be sort of nightmare because I tend to desire everything to be ultra specific when it comes to adresses and clothes, IDK that’s just always been me, stalking houses on Google maps and stealing the shit out of Forever21 outfit photos, I mean I’m a bit like the character I was trying to embody this past week: Crystal Thomas.

Now let me sum up a bit of her. She’s 17, a smarty pants, good girl kind of person, who’s not popular and sometimes gets picked up for her grades. She has no self confidence but has a spark of a fashion eye, actually she wants to study that with an scholarship or something. She’s good with clothes but doesn’t have enough money available to buy all fancy things, unlike Lotte. But somehow, she can make it work when she trusts herself enough to venture over a vintage outfit of her mother’s and grandmother’s heirlooms. She has good intentions, she is a good daughter and sister, she matured very early in life when she was made aware of the economic situation her mom faced when her father left them, so she knows she has to save cash, she looks after her brother when mom’s to leave for her two jobs. She is responsible but as most people, she is not an stereotypical goody two-shoes with nothing wrong in her mind but a desire for a fashionable expensive wardrobe. Crystal is deeper, she’s genuinely kind and actually cares for others cuz deep inside she will always feel less except when she’s dressing nice, in Lotte’s clothes or in her mom’s altered outfits. She sees the beauty cuz she knows what depression looks like, she saw her mom going through that for a month and just wants to make everyone happy. She sees there’s good in her crush, Kennett with his poetic writting style, as she sees the good in Lottie’s knowledge of history. People might see her like a innocent poor little dove, who would never do harm but she’s mature, like a grown up in some aspects and like a teen in others.

Now I had to write her dealing with getting to know more of Kennett’s family, which made me remember Shameless, the original one from the UK, with a drunken father and a mostly absent minded mother as a sister who watches it all with a sarcastic eye. But I took it further, by making his dad into a white trash abusive cat-calling drunk, which is the worst. I was inspired to creat Ansel when I saw drunk people in family holiday celebrations, my granpa’s friends for instance whom I saw in a frightened not-trusting state since I was a little girl. I mean I still remember that smell and greasiness in their faces, just plain disgusting, so yeah I saw all that as well as embodying what would it be if someone else saw my dad drunk, which I only saw once cuz well, we’re not that close. But I got thinking how embarrassing that could be, now mix that with a violent nature and a girl you really like since childhood, it was made to become a disaster. I went through Crystal’s eye seeing how this twisted family related, seeing why Kennett had been so secretive towards his parents; which has left her with a bittersweet feeling. Cuz she saw the filthyness those instants as she saw how emotional he made her feel, it was not a childish crush anymore but what the poets would consider as an adult love, that feeling of belonging in a sort of unio, that had no sexual motives but the cherishing of other’s soul. I actually got really proud of writing that part, it had me repeating “Young and Beautiful” by Lana del Rey, nonstop. I wish I had written more from Ken’s PoV tough, I mean he was half unconscious so yeah, there was that state of mind which I took advantage from to creat a really small text.

Then I got to venture through the most sort of VC Andrews like fight between stepdaughter and stepfather of the century, I mean I cannot even count how many times I used the word “your daddy” in the allegations of Lottie to cancel Paul, it was almost laughable and I’ll have to edit that in a couple of days. I mean, I wanted to get that anger going from the top of “I’m in control by diminishing you” to “I maybe pushed too hard and the world might crumble cuz of my tongue”; I mean Lottie is still a kid, defending like a kid, thinking herself to be smart when she doesn’t know how to react to the grown-up consecuences, no matter how much sex she’s had, lets not forget that detail. Also, I wanted to make Paul into more of a dick than just a posh businessman, he’s a lawyer who got everything from his dad’s connections, even a wife in the shape of Cordelia. And like the rat he is, now using his son to get even and avoid a disastrous divorce, by manipulating them (Delia and Lottie) by that threat: loosing Hendrick. We also venture through Delia’s mind to see how she came to adore that boy, to recover from seeing him as her other stepdaughter: the infamous Leah. How she always had this motherly instinct that got broken when she was broken by lost, she feels ashamed of her situation with her and Lottie, too, but she’s determined to just expect what’s gonna come for her, except letting her stepson go with his controlling father.

Finally, I got another Lottie PoV moment, where she had to witness how even her boyfriend’s dad knew more about her dad than her. She first tried to concentrate in the fact she was getting the information she wanted but now, (in further writtings) you’ll see how she was actually feeling. Unable to focus in the good side of the conversation but in the fact she should know this things and feel worthy, feel a connection with her dad that she never had, and now begins to thinks she’ll never have. (I listened to “Empty” by Olivia O’Brien” to transport into Lottie’s mind)

Week #143 of Reading Like A Maniac

Good afternoon, y’all

This week was a great achievement for me, cuz I read more than usual since I’m on holidays that’s not an actual surprise, anyways; now I guess I’ll meet new people in my career, it won’t be easy for an introvert like myself but I’ll try make the best of it as working on this cycle’s paper which will be harder than the ones I had before. However I won’t let fear get in my way to success, nor in my way to complete my TBR list since now I’m adding new releases which I never use to do, changes are everywhere, my friends. Anyways, here they are: the 6 glorious books I managed to read.

First I kept going with the Isabel trilogy, this time it was the last one titled ‘Isabel, el fin de un sueño’ (Isabel, the end of a dream) by Martín Manuel.

Queen Isabel is a lot older, stronger but not wiser, with enemies next door in the shape of France and the Vatican; she’ll try to forge the best alliances using her own children as prizes. She’ll meet the resilience of Portugal’s new king and how much it can damage her blood; she’ll also venture through Austria ready to deal with the confident son of the Holy Roman Emperor as with a Flemish daughter in law that won’t succumb to her demands. Will these be her last truces or what’s left of her legacy?

IT HAD LESS WAR BUT IT WAS WORTHY.

In this new adventure we go through the bad parenting and just not-so Catholic nor pious decisions the Queen of Castile makes. I mean I don’t hate her but I just hate her belief in the men of God instead of godly things like values and you know common sense, I feel she was too much influenced by everyone in her life in a passive way even from Chacon, I mean she was Their Queen more than her own self after book one, Isabel was just never more that challenging spiteful yet just ruler she wanted to be. Somehow her daughter Joanna went through the same thing instead in a more aggressive and passionate raw manner, I felt bad for the poor archduchess I mean she was going through a depending relationship as some bi-polar disorder and post-labor depression, she had a lot in her plate and could have been a great heiress if only her idiotic parents had marries her off to someone they actually knew about for his good ways, like the odd King of Portugal or anyone seriously anyone but fucking Phillip. I felt miserable for poor Princess Isabel having to go through hell because of her parents bad decisions to her imminent yet merciful death, even though like a good Trastamara she hated Jewish people. In other news, the only character I grew to love and like really appreciate was our loving Archduchess Margaret of Austria, damn she was funny and gracious, this lady was smarter than her brother (not hard to achieve) and such a real person, she cared enough for Joanna and her children, despite losing Juan and having the Catholic monarchs hating her for no godamn reason. I really enjoyed her quotes, I mean since her joke on their way to Castile I enjoyed every moment she spend with us. Such a nice lady. If only I could take my time and explore every single character like the Borgias, Anne of Britany, the crazy French Kings, Christopher Columbus, my loving perfect Gonzalo Fernandez De Cordoba. But overall, all I can say was that it was a pleasure reading about this historical characters from the perspective and imagination of TVE’s script writers, and it was actually nice written even though I wish there were more physical descriptions like in the first book, I mean I think we only got one little description of the blonde braid of Philip’s mistress and that was pretty much it. 🙄🤔

Then I read the first one in the Casteel series by VC Andrews, titled ‘Heaven’.

The Casteel family is quite known, they are the worst, the poorest, the dirtiest, the blood that nobody wants near their own. Even the new generation, Heaven, their eldest might be smart and pretty but that’ only because of her mother, Tom might be the same but their future is not up to them, Fanny is the very embodiment of the white-trash nature of their last name with the worst manners, and the little ones who spent more time at home than at school. But nobody expected their future to be so wicked especially when it came in the shape of their cruel father? Could the Casteel children were the victims?

WOW, I ACTUALLY LIKED THIS VC ANDREWS BOOK. MINDBLOWN.

My relationship with VC has never been great, I always read only first books of her series and never keep going cuz I’m not ready to see the characters make awful relationship decisions, you could see my horror while reading My Sweet Audrina, but with this book it was a whole new story. I mean I was still diverted by the sexualized body image she has of anyone and her addiction to make people just vomit the fact the dickhead father is “nice” and attractive, and of the other sexist shit I’ll blame it on the times this was written so leaving that aside, I was actually entertained and not that insulted/disgusted by the twists and turns, I actually liked and could understand Heaven’s mind: how when we are young we used to think we have it all figure out and will make good decisions once we’re older, and the fact that we learn the harsh lessons of life when shitty things happen to us, we see that we are still those children been taken advantage of even if it’s in the sweetest way, that sometimes we’re alone no matter whoever we think is our rock (Tom, Cal, the lovely teacher), that our feelings and suffering do not matter for nasty providence. It was hard for Heaven and since I’ve read spoilers it will be much more, but I actually side with her cuz she doesn’t choose to remain ignorant nor naive because she thinks is what’s meant to be, she chooses knowledge and grudges against hopeless hope that could only break her like it already did once. Our girl learned from the shit life kept throwing at her and I’m sure she won’t stop. All I can say is that no matter my issues with VC’s writing, her obsession with nudity nor her sexist twists; these characters will remain a cherished one in my heart and memory.

Third book I read is supposed to belong to The Haunting new series by Anya Allyn, however there’s still only one so… Anyways, its title is ‘PARACOSM: Bleath: The Hauntings’.

Zoe is about to start her thesis, and her choice of subject drives her to Bleath, a small town filled with strange cases of paracosms: a child’s quite real mental capability of creating a whole new world, like the one Tolkien created that made him write The Lord of the Rings. Zoe will have to figure out if these children come from very imaginative backgrounds or perhaps Bleath is more than a simple colorful town?

** spoiler alert ** DAMN. ANYA ALLYN DID IT AGAIN.

Most of all I was drawn into it the moment the Easter eggs started to appear, I mean I had a slight memory of little Prudence and then the freaking dollhouse with the carousel in the basement with them “dolls” and the creepy Raggedy dolls (the scared the hell out of me then and surely they do it now). I mean I even started playing the whole Carousel song by Melanie Martinez, it hit me hard in the great scary memories. Now let’s go back to the actual story, damn! Our new heroine was as clueless as I was while reading, I mean I had some thoughts that perhaps everyone in the town were ghosts but nope, they were just wicked bitches plotting against our girl’s best interest with these parallel universes that are making me wonder what’s real and what isn’t. I mean those poor kids used as twisted puppets by the Magician and them harvest people used as sacrifices by them psycho townspeople, and that end was everything. Now I only hope that Anya might give us some clue to what came out of Zoe’s future in that specific universe. I need to know!

After that I read ‘Girls with Sharp Sticks’ by Suzanne Young, the first one in the new series of the same name.

Innovations Academy assures its benefactors they’ll get a good final product, they’ll get what they invested for, they’ll get the perfect young girl, well-behaved, submissive, lovely, beautiful and charming. After all, Innovations Academy is filled with their men’s ideas of making Girls Great Again; that’s all Mena knows while studying there, that those men are there to make them perfect and that the students are not there to think or want. But there’s always something odd that might not go right, that these generation of girls are not as tamed as most think, they are not as soft, nor as vulnerable, but definitely tougher.

I’M GLAD I VENTURED READING THIS.

I mean the plot convinced me but once I got it, I just stored with other ones so when I finally had to read it, I wasn’t too into it, I was looking for something deadlier and was uncertain this would please me at all. Thank my brave heart I actually went on reading it and all I have to say is I’m glad I did it cuz in these dangerous misogynistic and sexist times, this tale was truly frightening because of how real it can become. I mean it had a bit of The Handmaid’s Tale on it and I was furious, I mean I would have gone all aggressive on them pieces of shit males treating them girls so poorly, I just wanted to shelter them and be their mother teaching them to love themselves instead of following those bitches rules as they were preaching a fucking sermon. I lost count at all the times I wanted to punch those cruel monsters, I was losing my sanity and that let me see I still have my feminist fair and honest nature with me, and no bitch can take that away from me. Changing the subject, I kinda figured out the whole surprise revelation way before, it was my main theory: the huge Stepford Wives plot Twist that they were *SPOILERS AHEAD* these robots or at least androids with this reset button and that those memories of parents were fallacies through and through, make-believe dreams which somehow still made me want to fight for their rights, in my mind if you have a conscience and feel pain, then you are a being that deserves a human treat. But what I wasn’t expecting as much as this revelation was the while Leandra’s twist, how she’s aware and so cold-blooded like one of those I Robot things however she was helpful and deadly, and I loved everything about it. However, I don’t trust her words on Weeks, I don’t like him having his army of Girls with that young girl (I can remember her name but it had a “-” in between), I just don’t trust he’s so good, I don’t buy that. I prefer all of them Girls with nice gas station boyfriend and his buddy. Safe and sound and just free from all form of incarceration. Can’t wait for the next one.

Fifth book I read was ‘A Room Away From the Wolves’, a standalone by Nova Ren Suma.

Bina’s mom promised her they would go to New York when they escaped her father’s abuse, she was 7. Now they’re with another paternal figure that she doesn’t like, with stepsisters that make her life miserable and her mother seems like she transformed into an absent parent that no longer wants her daughter. Bina’s a teenager with a complicated background, so she’s the perfect type for Catherine House, the NYC house her mother stayed when she was her age. Bina doesn’t want to remember what happened before she arrived here, she doesn’t want to admit it and somehow she’ll come to terms that nobody in that house wants to accept their sad existences neither.

SOOO NOVA DID IT AGAIN. SHE MESSED WITH MY HEAD.

Here we go again with an arsty book, it was a fine piece: its narrative made so ethereal on purpose, its characters so blurry on purpose, its plot twist incredibly soft yet heart-wrenching, and the ending completely open to interpretation and continuations. But there had to be some issues too with the details and its lack of realism, and I know that it’s a weird thing go expect from a supernatural inclined story, however I actually thought it was a little odd that nothing had been done about the woods body, I mean bitches were not blamed and shit went on as if nothing had happened, with just a little depression I mean divorce was needed right there but whatever, it still bugs me though. Now going full *SPOILERS AHEAD*, it was sad to know she was dead the whole time but I guess it was obvious, however I do think her passing was cruel and the fact her mom did not do her justice was just another way to kill her again on my record, anyways I felt the connection between Bina and Monet, I wanted that relationship to at least have a kiss before that open finale, I feel I craved for something and was given nothing more that the blurry POV of NYC purgatory. 😒 I was entertained though, and after reading some other reviews I finally got the whole ghosts in denial sort of issue.

Finally, I read yet-another standalone titled ‘The Girls of No Return’ by Erin Saldin.

Lida knows what she did was wrong, she knows she’s broken and just doesn’t want to fix it. That’s why her dad and stepmother desperately send her to an all-girls school/camp for troubled young ladies. She’ll have to deal with three types of girls, those who are kind and amicable like Jules, which is something she cannot bear, then there are those like Boone, straight-up bullies with a no-nonsense politic against the newbies, and finally there were those like Gia, perfect looking girls with a likeable soul. But all of those girls are hiding something, after all, simple good, bad or complex girls should not be in that school, there must be something and no matter if Lida doesn’t want to know, their truth will come out just like hers.

I CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER WHY EXACTLY I PICKED THIS ONE, HOWEVER I’M SO GLAD I DID.

I must recognize I was waiting for murder or a wicked sorority of cruel girls, however I ended up dealing with serious issues about girls who didn’t take their wellbeing seriously and who were immensely young and vulnerable in their hearts, besides being self-centered as every single girl you’ll know. I include myself, since I felt awfully similar to Lida (*SPOILER* not the cutting part), her superficial need of wonder and her reluctance to stay friendless because somehow it was easier once you forget how pathetic it is, how your baggage still can affect some decision you make that could cost you a lot. How I was also tricked by Gia’s charm and reduced Boone to a hair-cutting bully, how it seemed easy to remain in the middle for her own benefit, as a mean to stay relevant without admitting it. Focusing on the alphas rather than the sweet omegas like Jules, those with leas baggage that could’ve been helpful. I understood Lida and just went through this book as an expectator rather than a character, or a motherly figure, and I enjoyed it. I could feel in the woods, isolated and scared, amused and reluctant; however I do have a question, did Gia actually did it or was it Boone who did it herself? 🤔 I’m left with that doubt from some lines, Lida had in her inner thoughts, perhaps it was in the last epilogue or the page before the last epilogue but I read that. So… Answers please. 😬

Music Killed the Lazy Author #3

Hi, y’all.

I’m at my grandpa’s house, with a flu, trying to type this entry from my cousin’s laptop and it ain’t easy trying to remember what I struggled writing this couple of weeks. Anywyas, this weeks I used my own fears for these characters, and some of my strenghs to start Pov moments.

I have a fear of change, if I’m not in charge and I have tried to forget about the change that’s coming together with loneliness as a topping, I knew I can easily crumble and go back to that dark dark place I call my depression mode where I cry non-stop until I shed tears without no explanation, not even books can calm me, I mean when I tried venturing to new friendly books I just couldn’t. So now I’m about to have to make new friends or at least study buddies since I’ll be taking classes with people from cycles bellow and I won’t see my old classmates/friends ever again for those normal days at University and I’m already missing them besides who the hell knows if these new kids will accept me. SOOOOO, I used that awful feeling to humanize a character, her name is Samantha Webster, she’s the longtime best friend of Liselotte, she is still in LS dealing with a lost of identity and her urges towards Hendrick (Liselotte’s young stepbrother), as well as some deep deep secrets she’s not willing to even acknowledge in her mind. Sam could be translated into a caring girl, she’s allegedly confident and model-like gorgeous but not entirely cold as Lottie, she’s the school’s hippie, not hipster, but hippie since she’s a budhist and a vegan. She has more layers like the fact she feels she’s nothing without Lottie, she has confidence in her body even though her mother always tries to make her feel less, but her trust in making friends and not going through depression has started to crumble. She knows that if she gives those feelings much thought, she’ll go down the rabbit hole until she’ll need her antidepresives to survive. She’ll be one of THOSE girls who cannot live without them pills and she refuses to be it, so what helps her get over all that sadness and panic attacks: her thing with ‘Hennie’. She just gives in to that passion and lust, aware he has feelings for her and that she’ll neve reciprocate them in the way he wants. She doesn’t want to attach herself to anyone again, she want love to just happen but not with him, they are just not compatible that way. They are fine with sex but she knows he wants more, and feels guilty but that’s not that strong, not as her fear of depression. I used the song ‘Wanna be Missed’ by Hayley Kiyoko to inspire me about her issues.

In other news, I used my current knowledge of Isabella of Castille to give Lottie some brains while studying with Crystal, this might look like useless but this little piece of her will drive this scene, as well as give her another layer. Lottie is not just outspoken but she LOVES history even though as me we’re not that fond of dates. I mean I had to look for a fucking timeline of the Queen’s life to get this right. Anyways, this small piece of my mind will drive the scene towards a discovery that’ll probably make things more awkward between her and Sam. It will also give us our first glimpse of Crystal as a tutor which will come into play later in the story.

Well, that’s it, I couldn’t write more since I had the flu as I have it now. It’s messy and I seriously do not wish it upon other readers or writers, it is the fucking worst! Next week, I’ll try putting some more stuff related to them family portrait related issues, and I’ll have to listen to Dollhouse quite a lot.

At The Movies… VC Andrew’s Heaven

Good morning, whoever is reading this.

So, last night was the first Saturday of other four to present the movie event of Lifetime Casteel Saga adaptations, it started with heaven and I wanted to share my views on what I thought about the contrast between the book that I just finished and the movie that I just finished too, so I’m fresh on little details. Anyways, here it is: my review.

Where do I start? Overall, I could see the connection between them movie and book, there were the country mountain side that everyone seemed to loath, there was the drunken father, there was slutty yet comic relief Fanny, there definetely was Sarah leaving unexpectedly, and daddy just giving his children away besides Heaven having to leave with Kitty and Cal. So there was all that, but I’d like to mention some things I kept thinking last night that I just couldn’t pass, like where the fuck was Miss Deale? The only almost perfect human being in that godforsaken small town, instead we got Kitty’s mom who also is a shitty teacher not quoting Shakespeare right and being just a bitch to poor Heaven. Also, Tom’s failing classes?! He was a fucking smart kid just like Heaven. Not happy. I wishe the whole selling their kids would have been explained, how Luke told them to dress nicely everytime he was gonna sell them, it lacked that fear instigating feeling. Some production issues with the doll having Heaven’s same hair color, since now we know that Leigh will have dark hair, it will give the audience some issues recognizing who this kid is. BTW, the Casteel kids seemed to have lots of clothes, some shitty ones but Fanny got style. 😀 In other news, Kitty’s clay animals are nowhere to be found as the pink and white of the house. Also, there was never flirtatious moments between Cal and Heaven, their thing just fucking happened out of loneliness and confused feelings, they do not share a careless longing passion and where the hell was the guilt? I don’t like this Cal, he’s to clingy and abusive.

Well, let’s see what I liked: Logan and Heaven were upgraded to this century and there was no mention of her being pure or innocent, progress! Then, I laughed my ass off with Fanny and I also yearned for her, she was nice and dumb but she didn’t deserve what happened to her. Fuck the reverend! Heaven making sense about why not telling others that they are utterly alone, social services would split them up! And Kitty’s rages mixed with agression were everything the book described, so spot on. In general, I enjoyed the movie adaptation though I laughed my ass off everytime Logan’s mom popped out of nowhere to tell Heaven some trash, seriously.