I’m at my grandpa’s house, with a flu, trying to type this entry from my cousin’s laptop and it ain’t easy trying to remember what I struggled writing this couple of weeks. Anywyas, this weeks I used my own fears for these characters, and some of my strenghs to start Pov moments.
I have a fear of change, if I’m not in charge and I have tried to forget about the change that’s coming together with loneliness as a topping, I knew I can easily crumble and go back to that dark dark place I call my depression mode where I cry non-stop until I shed tears without no explanation, not even books can calm me, I mean when I tried venturing to new friendly books I just couldn’t. So now I’m about to have to make new friends or at least study buddies since I’ll be taking classes with people from cycles bellow and I won’t see my old classmates/friends ever again for those normal days at University and I’m already missing them besides who the hell knows if these new kids will accept me. SOOOOO, I used that awful feeling to humanize a character, her name is Samantha Webster, she’s the longtime best friend of Liselotte, she is still in LS dealing with a lost of identity and her urges towards Hendrick (Liselotte’s young stepbrother), as well as some deep deep secrets she’s not willing to even acknowledge in her mind. Sam could be translated into a caring girl, she’s allegedly confident and model-like gorgeous but not entirely cold as Lottie, she’s the school’s hippie, not hipster, but hippie since she’s a budhist and a vegan. She has more layers like the fact she feels she’s nothing without Lottie, she has confidence in her body even though her mother always tries to make her feel less, but her trust in making friends and not going through depression has started to crumble. She knows that if she gives those feelings much thought, she’ll go down the rabbit hole until she’ll need her antidepresives to survive. She’ll be one of THOSE girls who cannot live without them pills and she refuses to be it, so what helps her get over all that sadness and panic attacks: her thing with ‘Hennie’. She just gives in to that passion and lust, aware he has feelings for her and that she’ll neve reciprocate them in the way he wants. She doesn’t want to attach herself to anyone again, she want love to just happen but not with him, they are just not compatible that way. They are fine with sex but she knows he wants more, and feels guilty but that’s not that strong, not as her fear of depression. I used the song ‘Wanna be Missed’ by Hayley Kiyoko to inspire me about her issues.
In other news, I used my current knowledge of Isabella of Castille to give Lottie some brains while studying with Crystal, this might look like useless but this little piece of her will drive this scene, as well as give her another layer. Lottie is not just outspoken but she LOVES history even though as me we’re not that fond of dates. I mean I had to look for a fucking timeline of the Queen’s life to get this right. Anyways, this small piece of my mind will drive the scene towards a discovery that’ll probably make things more awkward between her and Sam. It will also give us our first glimpse of Crystal as a tutor which will come into play later in the story.
Well, that’s it, I couldn’t write more since I had the flu as I have it now. It’s messy and I seriously do not wish it upon other readers or writers, it is the fucking worst! Next week, I’ll try putting some more stuff related to them family portrait related issues, and I’ll have to listen to Dollhouse quite a lot.